Wednesday, January 8, 2020

the night before/ now and forever

a new posting is always scary
songs running through my head and spotify playlist right now
1. the afters - moments like this

Here we are on top of the stars
Never thought we'd ever get this far
We live for moments like this
We come alive in moments like this
Here we are this is the time
Like a dream coming to life
We live for moments like these
We come alive in moments like these
I try to take a breath. Thoughts racing through my head.
I try to capture it, but a picture can't hold what a heart is feeling.
I just wanna stop the world from spinning,
Slow it all down for a minute so that I can take it in.
somehow, this is the perfect ED song for me haha. although its more of seeing stars due to dehydration and hypogly, but it summarizes my ed life so far quite well "never thought we'd ever get this far/ we live for moments like this/ like a dream coming to life/ i try to take a breath/ thoughts racing thru my head" 

2. sanctus real confidence - this got me through 6m of eye calls where i saw more nerve palsies, papilloedema, corneal ulcers, anterior uveitis, RD, BRVO, CRVO, in 6m than i will probably see in the rest of my lifetime haha - this is the PERFECT song to play as you come off the mrt at simei and start the walk to cgh, with your heart palpitating nonstop as you wonder what awaits you next

3. kutless with you - THE SONG WHICH HELPED ME TO PASS MCEM PART A the 2nd time round. the second chance for my second chance.


ok so, i havent finished my research. NVM. ITS OK. new posting tmr. PRIORITIES.
(ie God pls send some elves to help coz i dont think i can finish it, but)

well, i survived the nightMARE before christmas.
christmas day was nice, the nativity was pretty and i loved coming home to the star in the sky on christmas eve.

then was the NEVERENDING NIGHTS and days post-christmas. then new year which i rang in seeing URTIS. many URTIS. abt 20-22 URTIS per day.  but still grateful to God for not only allowing me to do what i love, but also sending me to do something i love, EVEN MORE. and even better, doing bOTH, at the same time.

anyway, I SURVIVED. all the EXPECTATIONS but it turned out ok. it could have been slightly better i guess but this is as good as it gets. thank you God :)

cos the one who began a good work in me
is faithful to make me complete
you're the author
the perfector
my hope
my healer
the reason i believe
i can change

onwards and forwards

aims for this posting/year/ whatmacallit
1) be a good human being
2) be a good doctor

think thats it

secondary aims
1) turn R3
2) survive cgh ed
3) submit this research


maybe gym occasionally

yeah, i'm scared. new things are always scary. but
a) God is with me
b) He did tell me to do this, years ago "HELLO THIS IS A SIGN I BELIEVED YOU ASKED FOR IT. SIGN"
c) pgy5 and i shld be able to do it la. multiple practice osce practices and mcem practices and emccs. OF COS I CAN DO IT. logically. somewhere the adult ed knowledge is in the crevices of my brain and God will help me remember everything magically tmr. yup
" i stand in awe/ i stand amazed/ when i see all u've done for me/ who i can compare to u my God/ all praise i give to u my God/ now and forever"

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