Thursday, January 9, 2020

i guess i just feel like/ a safe place to land/ worn

sitting here on my day off
feeling like it takes so long to feel human again

haha the christmas crowd and christmastime journal major revision TOTALLY put a spanner in my plans

i can do it!
*self cheerleader

wah ytd first shift. SO MANY PALPITATIONS. palpitations++++
the pre shift coffee DID NOT HELP THE PALPITATIONS. but no choice coz CHRONICALLY SLEEPY.

but its ok its ok
i remember my first sgh shift when i walked into that basement corridor to the mo room having such severe palpitations
my first sgh resus shift, when i was SO HAPPY to see dr a, a familiar face in resus
the nurses in resus that shift, that have now become my good friends. they were so nice and kind despite my clear noobness then.
well i clearly survived that.

on one hand, there is alot of expectations... there always is i think
on the other hand, logically i should be able to do it, i should be!
on another hand, six months away is a long time

OK. enough ruminating on this.
what i can do is make a plan
a) submit this journal thingy so it doesnt hang over my head
b) watch the videos and revise what i can
c) practice ultrasound

and hopefully by end of this week, or end of this month... WELL THE FASTER THE BETTER
i will be back up to speed... at least to a baseline average mo lvl! no need to be SUPER AMAZING ED RESIDENT. just at the average lvl of an average person.

just need to be
a) medically safe
b) clear my personal queue
c) hope the bosses like me too!
d) hope the patients like me!

that's all i hope to do :)
please God help me survive this posting

becos right now im having flight of ideas between journal/ online videos/ watching amal mattu videos
jumping everywhere unable to focus
netflixing too much

just give me your peace and grace.
that's all i ask for
and keep all my pts safe!! at the very minimum!

and thank u for putting debs in same posting as me. its weird coz shes my ho last time but somehow it feels like u have put some accountability buddy there too for me!

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