post night shift thoughts after ONE YEAR AWAY
one year is a LONG TIME but what stood out to me is the PEOPLE make a big difference. thats how you know you are homee~
"this is home, truly, where i know i must be..."
#thisishometruly #emed #ilovebasementmoroom
AM COMPLETELY AMAZED that i passed the mcem osce!! amazed and in awe of God's timing.
small things along the way, like chancing upon a church open late at night for a 3day vigil prayer was really awesome. balm to the tired feet and tired soul.
just now i drove to church for the first time in 2 weeks and i took the wrong way kinda and overshot. had to make a u turn. it was a good metaphor. sometimes we get distracted or life doesnt go perfectly the way we plan to. even if we are doing something perfectly legit like... going to church. BUT. God will always give us a way out, a way to u turn back, a second chance. STORY OF MY LIFE.
i really would like to go to _____(eusemprague) because the pre conf workshops look AMAZING. disaster med. ultrasound. okok if i really get to go, i will be VERY GRATEFUL and amazed. coz i nearly almost gave up, then God gave me an idea out of nowhere.
#SPOILER: I WAS ABLE TO GO TO PRAGUE!!
i wish i could write something which is not just "i am so tired and exhausted". but oh well
sometimes i really so want to just HECK IT ALL and fly off to africa to join MSF. But yea i need to train to fix all the knowledge gaps i have, and procedural gaps *central lines cough * and then only when i am at a certain level, then i can think of going.
it has been fun having a student around. my latest student was really enjoyable to have around and i loved teaching stuff. so many proud moments like when a new mo came to ask how to do backslab and my student jumped up said "i know!!" and ran to teach him hahaha
STATS COMING OUT MY EARS
for your mercy never failed me
you have led me through the fire
and in the darkest night you are close like no other
your goodness is running after me
with my life laid down, im surrendered now
cause all my life You have been so so good
memories of a dark night trying to find the firelight, stumbling along in the dark (i dont even mean metaphorically lol. i mean LITERALLY). such a relief to have finally found the campfire light lol. those memories kept flashing across my mind
ED at the mothershiphosp has been SO AMAZING, i lost count of how many times pple asked me am i r3 and gonna be reg soon. THANK YOU ALL for the trust and vote of confidence in me. thank you all for showing me how AWESOME emergency medicine is. i have done many postings in my lifetime, but ed at the big hosp is the bEST. NO MAN LEFT BEHIND literally.
going back to CE, my first love, is both nostalgic in many ways, and stressful.
“And then I heard a voice say ‘ur gonna be ok’ and I knew that God was right there with me. And just like that, the wind and the waves of my circumstances fell away and peace began. I could finally breathe again. Not because circumstances changed, but God changed me”
in this life, i dont really believe in any human, least of all myself
i dont also believe in any knights
i believe in alot of nIGHT shifts and waiting for morning to come
spoiler: with God, THE MORNING ALWAYS COMES.
even if you still have 5 unseen blue letters for a specialty you dont even specialize in.
anyway, eventually it comes, and eventually you find something you are vaguely good at
just back from an awesome conference in the same land of waterfalls/rainbows/game of thrones
alot of pple kinda wondered why i took a bus instead of flying and there are a few reasons, one of which is i kinda wanted to prove to myself that i would take the right bus this time... for some reason, it meant alot to me. SPOILER ALERT. I TOOK THE RIGHT BUS. i DID NOT END UP IN BOSNIA. that being said, taking the scenic route was not bad. the sunrise in bosnia is really pretty ok.
eurosimcup filled prague trip with side trips to castles and bookshops, was a lovely break from the daily grind.
And so it transpires
That at 30
- People still ask me if im a medical student
- the con however tells the kid "ok aunty will prepare ur prescription for u"
- it feels extremely freeing to know that the big boss up there has it all sorted out for us (eventually)
HD has been very very educational as our boss is very keen on teaching but also very tiring!
1st week of HD was basically me being a calefare but 2nd week esp the last 2 days were so busy and crazy that i had to step up and my past self as peds mo together with my current evolution of emed/icu/foamed loving resident somehow combined well
Anyway all these are existential crises so i think we just focus on the here and now and getting thru each day. And learn to be a better emed doc and no harm learning some french for fun... and kettlebell swings and olympic lifts series and muscle ups and handstand walks on Wednesdays after emcc?
I'm just a little bit afraid of where I'm going
I've lived enough to know
You're my constant in every moment
You've never failed me
All my life
You have never left my side
You are my constant
Okay I really don't like change but I can't stop it
I'm moving forward anyway with the promise
You are the anchor for my soul
That's all I need to know