yeah, laptop battery, i feel you
i have no idea how my battery drained so fast. ok. maybe i have some idea. tbh, i am no stranger to hard work and crazy crowds and working nonstop. i actually thrive on it in a crazy way. i was drawn to this crazy work ethic and battling busy days with my friends in emergency departments round the country is pretty much what i signed up for forever. i love feeling like i am making a small difference, helping this ocean one starfish at a time!
but i have to say that sometimes, external forces wear us down.
working nonstop and overtime, is TOTALLY DOABLE. as in personally, i have no problem at all doing it nonstop and way beyond what i need to do in terms of time or effort. i think we all know that.
its the other things.
the small or big injustices that wear on us.
its things like, being appreciated as a human being, even though i might be working like a robot.
it's things like, not being forced to celebrate a holiday i despise with all my heart, for a culture i dont feel i belong to at all, with people i dislike.
its things like... just wish that, people would be understanding and realize that, i might look like a complete sloth, slothing away between shifts. it might look like i am basically a complete hobo with post night hair, no makeup, just woke up look, enjoying myself with languages or netflix or korean dramas. i probably look like those people in kdramas that are 30+ and still leech around at home (the kind that are gonna get some major breakthru and have a happy ending by the end of the kdrama... i hope so?).
but what they dont understand is
that maybe the night before, i might have seen 20+ patients
i might have gone 8 or 9 or 10 hours with no food or drink or toilet break
yes, i love this. but that doesn't change the fact that, it is physically tiring
and people need to decompress
people need a few hours to feel human again, in between all of this
dont get me started on my research paper i have to rewrite, which i have no idea where to start
and then i am worried, if it sucks and it really gets published... isnt that ten times more paiseh. bleh
ANYWAY the point is, work by itself, over the years, has become slightly more manageable. i mean every time i go to a new posting be it new or old or pseudo-new, it will be stressful and takes some acclimatization and sometimes there is alot of preceding expectation and that also stresses me out yadayada. but there is no disputing the fact that residency with its clear year 1 to y5 and also the built in support system and camaraderie makes it a lot a lot better than the mopex years. the mopex years really were quite an existential crisis. so yeah. i can handle most things.
but on SOME days, like after working nonstop with no break for a LONG time, despite all the nice stuff about my life these days, if i am completely pushed to the brink on a personal level, by unreasonable people - YES. my sense of injustice CAN surface and i can get really shouty and debaterish. its probably good that i'm not a lawyer, cos the only arguments i ever win can probably be counted on one hand - usually those formal public debates i pre-script my jokes LOL.
anyway i wanted to say that, these are the reasons my battery is now almost at 6% lol.
and that more understanding in this life would be great
but i'm not sure i'll ever get it.
i just look too much like a hobo leeching around when i am post night or post shift. no one in my personal life would ever believe that i might actually be a functional human being useful to society. they also clearly havent watched grays anatomy before. lol.
BUT. i can be the bigger person, after a few days of angst.
anyway, i usually lose arguments in real life anyways, so i am used to ignoring all these.
this article was great :):)
When faith looks to the past and to the future, it says with David, “You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us” (Psalm 40:5). The past is full of his wondrous deeds. The future is full of his merciful plans.