Thursday, October 31, 2019

keeping tracK/ pre night shift musings #102

omg im subscribed to so many online things/ recurring payments im beginning to lose track
- emrap + NEW corependium! which looks so cool
- ecg weekly
- rosh [ok that's compulsory. hahah]
- glossika [think im gonna quit. tbh. but it was fun!]
- bearpro [so awesome for note taking]
- gym
- just signed up for 1 italki class hehe

- kwqiz french

i also really want to sign up for
- crossfit
- fitnessbravo
- webarre
- adult ballet.
- more italki classes

i also wanna sleep all day
BUT also want to
learn french
do research

what i DONT want to to
take a difficult exam 6 months from now



ok off to gym pre night shift then backfill a million downtime cases~

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

moments like this

musing on the turning 3-0 thingy

somehow turning a year older doesnt feel much different lol, ive been telling patients im (almost) 30 for awhile now cos i always get the YOU LOOK SO YOUNG, WHEN ARE YOU GRADUATING spiel. somehow in CE i dont get that leh, i get called aunty by random parents (and the cons... lol)

anyway it has been an exciting time overall, i'm not where i thought i would be, im somewhere a MILLION TIMES BETTER, following a plan God planned for me. i definitely didn't expect this in those early lonely days mugging in the science library haha. i did know i wasn't a morning person early on though. and this six months is really getting my fill of high fiving cute kids. more than i did my 1st 2 ce postings actually. cos then i was too nervous and anxious all the time about.. EVERYTHING. i remember having to eat chocolate after every shift, sitting at the taxi stand needing some time to unwind. reccently i went to 7-11 and the 2am cashier recognised me!! she said oH you long time never come here!! yeah man, you're telling me hahah. anyway, ED has made me generally more chill about stuff. not to mention the built in support network... its so awesome to know there are 7 other people in the same boat as you, going through the same postings and doing the same homework at the same time, having the same points of stress and angst sources.

well i have plenty of undone homework still, but ALOT I did ok. and the rainbow filled croatia trip WHERE I FINALLY GOT ON THE RIGHT BUS. sorry. i just had to prove the point to myself. as well as the uh, eurosimcup filled prague trip with side trips to castles and bookshops, were lovely breaks from the daily grind. came back to some downtimes, my very own prague URTI, and random loads of sedations. well. at least i feel like i'm doing my best. sometimes as juniors we feel so scared to clear case with seniors. then u can't sleep whole night cos ur having palpitations if you did the right thing or not. well after awhile i braved the fear to clear the cases all these years, half the time got scolded anyway, but i felt very mORAL HIGHGROUND. like ok maybe some deficiencies became obvious and they might think i am chui, or wonder why i am i clearing. but AT LEAST I AM ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. it is very impt. anyway nowadays, the fear of clearing is much less, for the most part. that makes it much much easier and better, and is one of the best things of being so old!

never thought i would say this but, THANK YOU GOD for the wait. the crazylong wait was very long, but it not only made me a better doctor, but a safer one as well. and i met 7 (plus many many more) awesome people.

now please if you could place the answers to the SAQ that is due tmr in either my brainspace, or a FOAMed site easily accessible or something, that would be great. and somehow help me overcome the activation energy to send some researchemail i keep procrastinating. and write the peds ce paper i also procrastinated. that would be really really amazing

but if not - at least just help me be a safe doctor and a slightly better human being than i am currently. although! i think all these years - all things considering, i did a good job of trying.

and to the friends that stayed despite knowing what i am like - thank you muchly. david, annthea, nic, my. you are truly the people that tolerated me at my most second inmature (although hopefully funniest and wittiest??) time of my life. and for those that i have lost contact with but are very much a fabric of my past and instrumental in my life like j, m, k, KS, C, wy, r. years on, i really look onto those years with a great dose of rose-colored visors. but truth be told, i think i was really inmature during that time of my life, and under a lot of stress. i did the best i could, which was not the best ever, but thank you guys for cheering me up through a lot of nonsensical angst, which made ALOT of sense at that time ok. thanks for tolerating me, and making me feel missed. i really did miss you all, when i left. please do remember that and the good times we all had together through rose colored visors too!

and of cos my cg and emed family! thank you for teaching me everything i currently know about medicine and emed!!

i will never forget
the moment i met you
the moment you called my name
pulled me out of the darkness
gave me a promise
to never thirst again

Here we are on top of the stars
Never thought we'd ever get this far
We live for moments like this
We come alive in moments like this

I try to take a breath. Thoughts racing through my head.
I try to capture it, but a picture can't hold what a heart is feeling.
I just wanna stop the world from spinning,
Slow it all down for a minute so that I can take it in.

the afters


Wednesday, October 2, 2019

rainbows = God's promise

so about 5 yrs ago i last made this journey:

"back from my travels! most exciting & beautiful trip ever haha. literally thank God for bringing us back home safe & sound. admiring amazing feats of nature, probably one of the most beautiful places on earth, and suddenly saw a rainbow out of the corner of my eye. 

something that crossed my mind very frequently is that there are many things i want to do for God & that he wants me to do for him (i know this sounds very presumptious coming from someone who has a dubious blood taking success rate buT i am of the firm opinion that in our own ways big or small we can all do something for God in some way or other okayy. i just need to find my way, and in around 5 days time that will become slightly clearer... haha). well He did bring me through all types of situations so i'm guessing there is lots awaiting for me to do :)"

yeah. it became much clearer haha
just back from an awesome conference in the same land of waterfalls/rainbows/game of thrones
i learnt alot and had alot of fun!! plus good food

alot of pple kinda wondered why i took a bus instead of flying and there are a few reasons, one of which is i kinda wanted to prove to myself that i would take the right bus this time... for some reason, it meant alot to me. SPOILER ALERT. I TOOK THE RIGHT BUS. i DID NOT END UP IN BOSNIA. that being said, taking the scenic route was not bad. the sunrise in bosnia is really pretty ok. 

ANYWAY back to reality
a million things to do

what i want to do
- sleep
- have brunch
- study korean
- study french

to do list
- create simulation scenarios 
- email ___ re: our project
- paper 1
- paper 2
- pack bag (ok this is also under sth i want to do haha)


oh ya post night chill with netflix is so awesome


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...