Tuesday, July 9, 2019

get your hopes up

I see the sun waking up the morning, reviving dreams
I feel the wind on my back with promise, reminding me
There's a garment of praise for heaviness
There's a new song burning inside my chest
I'm living in the goodness that He brings
Get your hopes up
Lift your head
Let your faith arise
Get your hopes up
Our God is for us
Christ before me
Christ behind me
I am firmly held
In his mercy
Never ending
I remind myself
get your hopes up - josh baldwin
so here i sit at 1am, taking a break from ce videos with my beloved EMRAP. just renewed my subscription. one of the happiest things ever
i've been floundering in stress for the past few days, knowing there are holes in my knowledge where once i knew these things... they just werent very impt to my life the past two years. BUT NOW THEY ARE
oh well. i thought i was a good r1 but guess i can be better still sigh. yay maybe i can get some most improved award next yr haha. sigh. think this yr i need to re-evaluate my priorities, focus on studying alot. wrap up all my old projects and submit all my papers. and then mUG LIKE CRAZY. ok i think to improve in 1 yr is very hard. but i can aim to be a very good r3! hahaha. 
two year plan for the win! 
anyway so i watched 5 ce vids in total today sitting in starbucks w my trusty macbook. ON A ROLL! i also did not go to the gym. so i also feel like a pudgy roll. BUT ITS OK. a rolling stone gathers no moss. anyway i feel very educated on elbow injuries now coz i also watched an entire podcast on EM cases abt peds elbow injuries. the key point was DONT RUSH AND SLOW DOWN. not sure that is gonna fly with the fast paced dept "i watched a podcast and they said to not rush and slow down when looking at elbow injuries in kids!!" haha. but actually at this moment i just want to see more peds trauma 9 cases lehhhhh. elbow also can. 
anyway, this is just to say that, knowing myself very well, if i was given a choice i could just actually sit there playing comp games and chilling all day. BUT. i could also choose the life of excitement and of filling my brain with ACTUAL KNOWLEDGE so i dont get steamrolled every single shift. of learning stuff on the off chance one day i really take that plane ride to a war-torn country and actually put these skills to use like my past self used to dream of, sitting there in a cosy little ed in ah. 
You say I'm forgiven
Being restored
But it's hard to feel it
Here in this storm
Torn between who I've been and who I want to be
Jesus, I need you
Need You to be
Hope in the darkness searching for me
Out of this doubt
Lord, help me to believe

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