Saturday, October 27, 2018

the reasons why you brought me here

omg i cant believe i turned 29. spent my birthday taking an anesthesia written test and studying for the practical test the next day. (well actually TRYING to study for practical test next day, what actually happened is that i came home, crashed on my bed and woke up at 6am the next day OOPS).

it has uh been a VERY EXCITING year of being 28. now i have more excuses to assure old aunties and uncles that i am very old (well, slightly older than 28. yay!). anyway amidst the excitement of life, i think i have become a better doctor. not sure about better PERSON but i can definitely try. ANYWAY what is great about this birthday apart from passing the anesthesia tests which i tell ya i was crazy worried about is ofcourse EMRESIDENCY, best gift from God i could ever have! i did spend the 2nd half of the day having peds ed emcc which seems like such a nice touch as a bday present from God. (however i was extremely sleepy as i had been mugging for the test since midnight the night before and consequently fell asleep sitting in the front row several times. uh... points for trying?)

anyway there are always so many times to evaluate one's life/year - like new year, new academic year, birthdays, but it's always good to improve so...

i guess i tend to have a tendancy to do things at the last minute and then have to pray really hard to God to fix my mess, it's great that divine intervention usually comes through but maybe after 29 years of existance it would be good to be more prepared in advance. also to be less untidy, minimalistic etc. should also stop my newfound habit of RETAIL THERAPY. studying mcem osce for 20 mins would probably do more for long term satisfaction than going on online shopping buying of comp games (that my slow comp cant run anw.... omg i wanna buy a proper gaming pc... and i feel like buying an ipad... HAHA). yea you get the point, materialism never ends. there is always something else to buy. which is why i am also surrounded by colorful paints, markers and gel ink pens. altho i have to say they do make me happy. LOL.

anyway, this has been a year well lived, with much to be grateful to God for. there has also been a fair share of waiting and wondering and stress and anticipation and last minute rushing and personality clashes. but God somehow got me through it so i think on the balance it worked out. let's aim to be more prepared, composed, have more em knowledge in my head, study more, play more, travel more, love more, be more self-sufficient and able to draw peace and joy from God and more worthy objects of sustenance (like comp games are abit soul sucking sometimes i think. esp w those forever loading screens, life is MORE THAN A FOREVER LOADING SCREEn im gonna go write a poem about that now.). have more brunches, more runs, more crossfit. more conferences. more cheer.

and also much thanks to my cg mates for being the best cg even years after graduation, the emresidencyfamily for being the best residency ever as far as i can tell, ZY for being my posting buddy, BCHOW for being my eye mo noob buddy, and of course d for consistently being such a great friend since i was 16, as well as running to codes buddy.

~
I know I’d get an answer
That I can’t understand
If I ask that Your intentions be made clear
I know Your plans are greater
And in that greater plan
Lie the reasons why You brought me here

This story would be different
If it were only mine to write
Yeah, as the smoke starts to clear
Ooooh, I hope You know what You’re doin’
‘Cause You brought me here

Now it hurts to be this broken
But it’s bearable somehow
I always heard You loved me
But I think I know it now
Is that the reason why You brought me here
guess I’m grateful that You brought me here
- the reasons why you brought me here - jason gray

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