i really do think that even after all these years, God is still walking this road with me.
just REALLY REALLY miss ED with every fibre of my being. that's all.
yesterday as i made it to ash wednesday, reaching halfway through the mass and leaning against the wall. realizing what i was leaning against was the church logo - 2 fish and 5 loaves. tracing the blue tiles that made up the fish and realizing that in this life, it was only when i truly believed with a child like faith and was at the end of my tether, that God would give me from two fish and 5 loaves, fish and bread in abundance, more than i had ever expected or deserved. never in the time i had thought, but in His time. just that it also rarely occured according to a timetable i had wanted. but that it was BETTER in God's timetable
mar 2018: He makes everything beautiful in His time
so first off - it has been a very very long journey but THANK YOU GOD
coming back to edin for a few days has made me absolutely convinced that God was with me those days. theres no snow in sg but i know that in the story of my life, the last 3 yrs or so, walking in the dark tunnels of uncertainty, God was there guiding me.
YAY I PASSED THE FRCEM INTERMEDIATE!
He always finds a way back for us. i remember once there was a (literal) door of mercy we could walk through and then after that we were supposed to go for confession. literally on the last day of this special thing i went for confession (last minute as always) and the priest actually commented "it's the last day! you made it just in time! God has been waiting for you to come back to Him" and woahhhhh the significance of that.
today during pentecost as the waves of the opening hymn washed over the church and the smoky incense filled the room i just knew that God is going to save me. He is going to bring me through this last month plus safely all the way to the last stretch.
i mean he did literally drag me along the snowy streets of edinburgh in the middle of winter. not just the one set of footprints in the snow but more of "and there is where i dragged you for a little while". this is just the beginning and He will be with me for the next 5 years too.