Saturday, July 28, 2018

random thoughts on month 1

month 1: IM
- survived (?) 1 IM call so far and (nearly) 1 month of IM.
- am EXTREMELY proud of the amazing residency program i somehow signed up for. i WISH i knew of this amazing program in med school haha i would DEFINITELY have signed up from med school straight. if only i had spent my med school final yr really going round the booths in the residency fair instead of just sitting in the paeds room hahah i might have been tempted by the AWESOME simulation scenarios. was watching the simulation scenarios on my phone on the mrt home from wkend rounding and they are hilariously funny. if i was a med student at this fair it would be like... where do i sign up for this!! also, post welcome dinner drinks was fun too! pity i had to leave early due to rounding the next day
- on that point, waking up early everyday to round is very tiring but my im team is also v awesome! this team really taught me the meaning of TEAMWORK.
- am also v grateful that God put nic and deb (cms juniors that i just never happened to meet in med sch) in my teams as my hos. and meeting shaun randomly in kopitiam too was nice. it just felt like God was watching out for me (and not letting me drift too far away like a lost sheep from the fold)

aims for next month
- hopefully set 10 cvcs!
- hopefully not be too noob at icu. ok. i dont have high expectations for myself. somehow survive ICU.
- er... gym once?
- er... submit my paper? (hahahah)
- er do a minicex (???)
- find a supervisior

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

just the way you are

had a v intense FIVE HOUR stats session running on v little sleep (resulting from last minute hw rushing of aforementioned stats hw). made very enjoyable by good teachers hehe so nice to see friendly faces teaching us! also shared camaraderie from all not knowing the answer hahaha. wah i dunno how i am gonna take an EBM exam in five years time. hahaha at all the loaded words "risk" "likelihood" "bias". medical school taught us stats but not really how to answer qns for stats vivas EBM leh

then opened my set of ED hw to be done in the next two weeks. seems like 1 yr ago that i spied was it tw or sharon who had this set of ED HW to be done and wishing so hard i could do it too (and then fast forward to us all doing our homework the night before tskkk haha). flipped open the first page to a cherry red spot staring me in the face (fundoscopic picture). HAHA told dr p - SPOT diagnosis. HAHAHAHA sorry lame joke. tbh i have never seen a cherry red spot pt. only the amazing BCHOW diagnosed this on like his 1st or second week of ACC eye clinic leh. and u really need to dilate to see the macula properly (unless u have a slit lamp available and even then only people who have done an eye posting before really know how to see slit lamp)

daily learning alot. really thank God that i only started this 4 yrs after graduating cos even now i'm learning new things everyday. i can't imagine doing this first day of being a doctor LOL learning all this stuff concurrently with doing the usual HO stuff is completely impossible. thank God for He knows what is best for us all the time :)

two more weeks before i start icu posting.
a little, no very nervous but MUST study omg.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

greys anatomy b team/ starry night

coolest new find today is greys anatomy b team! greys always makes life better!!

remembering when we first started hatching this crazy idea to be doctors - in the assembly area at rg in the morning years ago and discussing this cool new show greys anatomy with jay

fastforward to all those days spent watching greys instead of studying anatomy HAHAHA in year 1.

ok the series is v short and it's a webseries but alot of it hit very close to home HAHA the locker room talk (substitute that with MO room). and the enthusiastic intern who can't take blood very well and poked the pt 2x (cough). the enthu intern (aiyah they are all enthu) who got distracted and led her boss the wrong way and couldnt find the pt's room. i also liked taryn who started talking to the liver lol.





love the smoooth feel of this song

2 weeks in

reflections on the past two weeks
- learning alot from IM and also the courses ive been going for reccently. acls was a useful refresher after 6mths of eye HAHA. and fccs was great to learn abt ventilator settings! although it felt like the ed cons were having fun quizzing us at their stations "year 1 residents! you guys are babies!". not to mention that those ED cons are such amazing teachers!! so many ED heros. i really enjoyed those stations coz it felt very applicable to us.

- knowing what to do for an inpatient is very different from just admitting the pt from ED. haha. i have alot more to learn. but i'm getting there!!!

principles i shall live by
- try to study something every night (impossible as i just fall asleep every night immediately on coming home haha. and the only days i come home early-ish is on ED teaching days HAHA)
- to always be honest and admit. if i dont know something be it some small nugget of information abt the pt or some medical fact -then admit it.
- if i am not sure about something then i should admit that i don't know and ask the reg. it's true that maybe it's something i SHOULD know but then - too bad, i am jack of all trades and master of none hahaha so i will just for the sake of safety and kiasuness - check with the reg if i am not sure. sometimes they may not know also, who knows, haha. some people take alot of responsibility on themselves - well i can't sleep at night if i am not sure if i did the right thing or not. i can sleep at night if people think i am stupid or have low threshhold for escalating lol. ANYWAY, if i ask and find out the right answer - i'll know it for next time!
- try very hard to gym errr 1 time per week haha

plans for my one weekend day off
- prepare for journal club
- church
- ?gym


Saturday, July 7, 2018

reflections on halfway through 2018!

so, a little heavy on the footprints in the snow philosophizing, hahaha. hey whatever it takes to get you through the night while waiting for the sun to rise...

~

jan 2018
i really do think that even after all these years, God is still walking this road with me.
just REALLY REALLY miss ED with every fibre of my being. that's all.

feb 2018
yesterday as i made it to ash wednesday, reaching halfway through the mass and leaning against the wall. realizing what i was leaning against was the church logo - 2 fish and 5 loaves. tracing the blue tiles that made up the fish and realizing that in this life, it was only when i truly believed with a child like faith and was at the end of my tether, that God would give me from two fish and 5 loaves, fish and bread in abundance, more than i had ever expected or deserved.  never in the time i had thought, but in His time. just that it also rarely occured according to a timetable i had wanted. but that it was BETTER in God's timetable

mar 2018: He makes everything beautiful in His time
so first off - it has been a very very long journey but THANK YOU GOD

coming back to edin for a few days has made me absolutely convinced that God was with me those days. theres no snow in sg but i know that in the story of my life, the last 3 yrs or so, walking in the dark tunnels of uncertainty, God was there guiding me.

april 2018:
YAY I PASSED THE FRCEM INTERMEDIATE!

He always finds a way back for us. i remember once there was a (literal) door of mercy we could walk through and then after that we were supposed to go for confession. literally on the last day of this special thing i went for confession (last minute as always) and the priest actually commented "it's the last day! you made it just in time! God has been waiting for you to come back to Him" and woahhhhh the significance of that.

may 2018:
today during pentecost as the waves of the opening hymn washed over the church and the smoky incense filled the room i just knew that God is going to save me. He is going to bring me through this last month plus safely all the way to the last stretch.

june 2018
i mean he did literally drag me along the snowy streets of edinburgh in the middle of winter. not just the one set of footprints in the snow but more of "and there is where i dragged you for a little while". this is just the beginning and He will be with me for the next 5 years too.

i'm going all in/ you are my everything

first week of emresidency!

it was appropriately packed and exciting
d1 of life: POSTCALL. rounded for IM. sorted out residual eye pts. went sgh to pick up shiny new laptop - hello friend for the next few years!
d2: rounded for IM in am, cab w zy to emcc and then emcc in pm (hearts). what can i say. it was so awesome walking into the room knowing that out of the huge cohort of ?40+ residents i pretty much know all of them and all of them are my good friends after slogging through tough night shifts together for yrsss. instead of being a brand new shiny ho and being intimidated by a roomful of people you dont know hahah. its so nice to belong somewhere, plus to belong somewhere with this handful of awesome people, is a nice plus i didn't really anticipate before!
D3 - ACLS in am, passed it yay! good refresher ++ . pm - IM roundS
d4: action packed from am to pm omg. can't give more details but essentially from am when i reached hosp then my ho calls me "e you need to come down to ed resus STAT!! they say team mo needs to come now" until pm still calling for hd bed (for diff pts).
d5 ( weekend) - studying for FCCS course + chill (more of chilling). mugging the PF ratio
tmr -  weekend rounddd

~

one of my fav songs seems v appropriate right now. on the edge of something new. i'm excited but also there is a pressure to perform (?). but YKNOW what. i survived FOUR YEARS of uncertainty with plenty of pressures to perform (sometimes i definitely performed better than other times and vice versa hahaha. but i surviveddd all that, eventually.

~
So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
We're all dying to live but we're all scared to death
I believe that one day I will see Your kingdom come
And I wanna hear You say, "Welcome home my child, well done"
So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
I'm not turning back around 'cause there's no turning back now
I'm going all in
Headfirst into the deep end
I hear You calling
And this time the fear won't win
All to You, Jesus, I freely give
As long as there's breath in these lungs I will live
With reckless abandon, my heart in Your hands
I surrender it all, I'm going... (I'm going all in)

~

i'm going all in
gonna try my best
some things i'm not very good at (cough intubation cough icu stuffs cough impressing new rotations on my first day)

but i'm gonna overcome all these things one by one!
as one of my heros (in ce hehe) once told us - if you are not good at something or not comfortable w it just recognise it and keep on doing more of it until you become proficient at it! that's how i became good at m&rs (used to avoid those cos i was scared of them... but after multiple m&rs and the amazing dr F who taught me the trick i can do m&rs w haematoma block all alone by myself in p3 area ahahah. but good to have a fellow mo to apply backslab lah. and a strong nurse to apply traction defo helps).

my hope is in you

my hope is in you - aaron shust I meet with You and my soul sings out As your word throws doubt far away I sing to You and my heart cr...