Tuesday, May 29, 2018

june resolutions/ preludes

to say that i am drifting on a neverendingsea far far away from civilisation let alone far from God, would be an understatement

i really have no words to describe the past few months, and maybe i shouldn't
but here are some concrete things i can do to survive this remaining month in the jungle:

1) never lose my God
- this wed, after 6pm mass theres adoration! aiming to go for that.

2) be nice to the people around me
- i know its very hard to think of others when you are drowning in the sea..very very very hard. but i should still try. yeah, this whole shebang may kill me. but i am determined not to let it affect anyone else. so therefore i should put on a brave face, keep marching on, keep on going even though i am more burnt out than the burnt out smoky ends in a ts eliot poem. yeah. no one cares to understand that i am fighting a battle like david v goliath and apparently im supposed to be continually as chipper as pippa longstocking despite the fact that i feel i need to show up at daniel's lions den daily. BUT i can do it! i can be pippa longstocking oh yea

3) i should study eye
- should aim to be the best eye mo there ever was. yea only three weeks more but i still have a fervent desire to be the best mo in this posting.

.... this is impossible
but we just keep on trying, keep on swimming, beating against the inexorable waves of time

i dont even think about what comes at the end of these next three weeks.
i dont even think about my next one week of break becos it takes so long for me to feel human again even after just one week of WORK let alone after four days of continuous call. i dont think i should write here how many hours i slept total during this four days as i dont actually think it is legal for anyone to sleep that number of hours in 4 days and to be working nonstop during that time. but i think we are expected to suck it up becos we applied for med sch as we knew what we were getting ourselves into. yes i knew what i was getting myself into, but i would like to be treated as slightly better than an amoeba on a daily basis, thank you. just saying. i know it's impossible and i accept my lot. i accept that i knew this when i signed up for medical school and therefore i have no right to complain, i know that too. end.

some of my fav parts of preludes:

The winter evening settles down
With smell of steaks in passageways.
Six o’clock.
The burnt-out ends of smoky days.
And now a gusty shower wraps
The grimy scraps
Of withered leaves about your feet
And newspapers from vacant lots;
The showers beat
On broken blinds and chimney-pots,
And at the corner of the street
A lonely cab-horse steams and stamps.

And then the lighting of the lamps.

The morning comes to consciousness
Of faint stale smells of beer
From the sawdust-trampled street
With all its muddy feet that press
To early coffee-stands.
With the other masquerades
That time resumes,
One thinks of all the hands
That are raising dingy shades
In a thousand furnished rooms.

You tossed a blanket from the bed,
You lay upon your back, and waited;
You dozed, and watched the night revealing
The thousand sordid images
Of which your soul was constituted;
They flickered against the ceiling.
And when all the world came back
And the light crept up between the shutters
And you heard the sparrows in the gutters,
You had such a vision of the street
As the street hardly understands. 

His soul stretched tight across the skies
That fade behind a city block,
Or trampled by insistent feet
At four and five and six o’clock. 

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