Sunday, April 29, 2018

may resolutions

a look back on the past month of a new(ish) posting, well new hospital same posting rather

my goals were to
- learn BIO (yes! i can BIO and be quite convinced of my findings. i can see RD/ retinal tears/ brvo etc)
- b scan (yep b scanned a pt on call)
- survive calls (well kinda, thanks to the v nice regs who picked up my 2am calls)

new goals for may
- see patients faster
- be good at gonioscopy (i can gonio, but usually get someone to check my findings. need to be able to gonio by myself at night)
- buy a new phone with a better camera
- buy a new call bag, buy new call shoes (current ones are pretty tattered and torn lol)
- set my pomodoro to study strictly at least 30mins-1hr of eye every night!!!!
- try to leave hospital earlier each day - leave by 6-7pm maybe? so that i can study a little bit each night
- COLLECT MY NEW SCRUBS. so i can wear them on call
- never lose my God
- find sth very impt that i lost postcall in the clinic the other day (this is gonna be like a needle in a haystack)
- never hesitate to call for help/ ask for help when needed/ when im not sure. it may be embarrassing and i may be scolded but i will ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING, being scolded is not sth that i care about too much AS LONG AS I DID THE RIGHT THING and i called for backup help. yep.

other to dos
- claim for calls
- claim for courses ive paid for
- find my vaccination records
- get my em jacket

i think studying ed stuff may have to be put on hold a lil while cos right now is ALL OUT SURVIVAL for my current posting so yeah, maybe during my leave in june, will study abit then

these 4 months that have passed, i have learnt a lot, two months more to go and i know God is with me. He is always with us in the darkest times, when we feel like we can't hold on anymore. He is with us through the night "you and i we will make it through/ make it through" - a song that rang in my ears when i was taking the FRCEM primary, even in ed when we are nv alone there is always some physical backup somewhere - now ringing in my heart on those nights when it feels like the patients never ever stop coming that i am drowning. but what keeps me going is the adrenaline, the thought that GOD DID NOT BRING ME SO FAR TO ABANDON ME NOW. that morning is going to come, i am going to survive this, just keep on going keep on going. that the friendly reg is just a phone call away and they are willing to help me. (i hope).

i guess its like always. i just have to keep telling myself GOD IS WITH ME. or i will never be able to even muster up the courage to go for the call. but yknow i lost this very impt thing on call (as in an impt personal object that means alot to me) and i was wondering how i wld get it back. then suddenly a replacement appeared literally out of the blue. it was like a very tiny small shard of hope in a rainstorm.

i guess i'm just praying for things to get better somehow (altho i dont really know how?). maybe God can help, i hope so. there are many things i have to say but i dont think i should really say. just keep hanging on this string and counting down the days. (truth be told). oh and MUGGING LIKE CRAZY

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