Friday, December 29, 2017

merry christmas/ joyeux noel

Hello world! 2017 is coming to an end (provided we survive the working nearly nonstop through the new year season hahah). God has been really kind to me this year i have to say.


  • I passed the FRCEM primary 
  • i had one year of emergency medicine, the happiest time of my life! 
  • i was able to go to TWO overseas emergency medicine conferences and present  
  • i put 2 chest tubes in this year, and did countless m&rs
  • i managed to go for (most of) the sunday masses and all the days of obligation this year! 
  • i had pretty good resus shifts this year
  • i got most compliments award for this posting!! (completely surprised by this cos i was expecting the no mc award since i very assiduously didnt take any mcs since we got a really nice chicken essence award last posting so i was like MUST NOT TAKE MCs). it was a very very nice set of presents with a huge bag of chocolates and all. it definitely made it worth it all those times nodding and listening to the patients. hah

although for the record i didnt do that for the compliments, i did it because whenever i sorely need to move on to the next pt but the pt clearly has more to say i can't help but think of this. then its very very hard to just move on. so i keep telling myself... just listen 5 more minutes.... then it stretches to hrs and i end up going home late everyday. 
35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
so it was a really nice validation that i'm doing the right thing! that was really unexpected and nice

so yeah. there is loads more i want and wanted HAHA but i think that God gave me what i needed and what is best for me overall. there is loads i want to say but maybe i shouldnt belabor the point. the past... ?3 years or so this blog has been a catalogue of the rehashing of the same themes. not much medical musings (i used to have such cute catalogues of cool conditions i saw as a medical student, now its all boring feelings and uncertainty). i guess it is still the same thing three years on lol. it's still me trying very hard to believe that God is going to make a way. sometimes it feels like i can see the way very clearly and then sometimes it feels like i can't see the way at all. i guess after so long i've accepted that it's a journey and even tho this journey is on very choppy waters and sometimes it feels like im all alone out there in the ocean, i learnt that i'm NOT alone. not only does God walk with me, He sent many friends and angels to help me along the way. that's what i learnt from the past 3 years or so and what i'm very grateful for. 

especially to d and a, the two people who i can talk to at any time about medicine, God and life, thank you very much for the years of friendship. I really thank God for putting you two in my life, it definitely was not coincidental. thank you for all the long suffering listening to all my angst and for always somehow coming up with something comforting and showing me that God is still there (even when sometimes it doesnt seem like it). if not for you 2, i dont know if i could have weathered thru all the uncertain times in the past few yrs. 

this past 6m mths has been a (relatively) relaxing time whereby i learnt french, korean and did random faffing around like doodling and stuff HAHAHAHA. its true that i work really hard on a normal basis and i do deserve to chillax a bit on my days off... (my personal justification. or maybe my body just wouldnt let me do anything but chillax lor. what can i do wahaha). i really did enjoy the online language lessons HAHA. esp language lessons in french cos it was cool to know i could communicate (very very simply) in french after abt just 2 months of study. i mean i guess if i didn't do all this random stuffs id just be watching kdramas to chillax. and the kdramas this yr not that fantastic anyway. so at least i learnt something new. plus i loved going to kino to buy stationery/ books whenever they had sales. however i think that chillax time is over to be honest and it's time to study! 

for next year, i aim to

1) pass the frcem intermediate and the mcem osce. YES!! i can do this!! 
2) learn how to use the slitlamp HAHA and be safe on eye calls esp in cgh omg im getting really scared now. i think i will do the offering every mass now cos i need alot of divine intervention. it would be really great to learn ocular ultrasound too cos its useful for obvious reasons. 
3) be a good doctor and person
4) try and gym more frequently. i have no excuse now i am no longer on shiftwork!
5) WRITE A PAPER AND PUBLISH IT
6) start new research??? 
7) learn how to use R 

one of my fav songs!

There is strength in my weakness
That only comes from You
There is power in meekness
That I have found in You

Where else can I go
You know I'm weak
I know You're strong
You say when I'm broken
And can't carry on
Carry on
When all my strength is gone
You're still holding on

There is love for the lonely
That only comes from You
There is peace and forgiveness
That I have found in You

Where else can I go

You are the Way
You are the light
You are the voice calling me through the night

(You are Holy and just
Full of mercy and love
You are patient and kind
Your grace has opened my eyes)

kutless - carry on 


if we've ever needed you/ Lord it's now/ we're desperate for your hand
reaching out....
all our hearts/ all our strength

Friday, December 8, 2017

preshift musings


For from him and through him and for him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.
romans 11:36

sooo was supposed to have french online lessons today but it got postponed to postnight cos my teacher's car broke down. haha. but her skype status really cheered me up immensely!

life has been BUSY haha with travelling most of nov. and alot of impt lessons in vigilance in ed. conf with many friends and particularly yummy exotic food was great. and i also became better at cardiac ultrasound hahah. 

i would like to express my undying gratitude towards the AWESOME bosses who somehow still trust in me and gave me chances for procedures. 2nd chest tube done! and sucess tooo :):) happiness~

having picked an UTTERLY RANDOM next posting, i conclude that, i really love ed, and after this six months, i would like to never do anything but ed again. i initially thought that leaving paeds/ce was the hardest thing to do. BUT NO. leaving this ed which i love and spend most of my waking hrs in is one of the hardest things i have eveR done. 

but i guess just have to trust in God that it all works out. hahahaha. let's not get into the part of fatalism and pessimism. 

have been thinking ALOT of that, and Life, and things. but in the end i concluded that we can only do the best we can with this life, this moment, this day. and yeah, that includes doing all we can to be the best doctors we can, best human beings we can. that also happens to be INCREDIBLY hard but we can always try. and that also includes relaxing in the timeoff we have hahahaha to be better well rested drs when the shift actually starts. IN TEH ZONE. 

ok. actually i just hope to survive this night shift. as with all nights. 
and the next day. as with all days. and so it goes on~

i run to you

the afters - i run to you When the road has left me empty When I'm broken, tired, down and out When the darkness feels too heavy Whe...