Sunday, November 19, 2017

prayer in a box

DEAR JESUS,

I trust in you, and have full faith in you... 

Amen




"They who trust in him will understand the truth" - Wisdom 2:23 - 3:9   

the answer



~

i am TOTALLY awed by the goodness of God. i woke up today half asleep after another busy shift ytd. and not to mention the exciting but stressful resus shift the day before that. anyway to sum up there are MANY THINGS stressing me out right now but anyway i somehow dragged myself out of bed to church and i wasnt really sure if God could hear me becos i have ALOT ALOT of prayers all the time and i think in my past God has alr answered many of my prayers and granted alot of miracles and i dunno whether one can run out of miracles? so i wasnt expecting too much but then i just prayed anyway hoping

so ANYWAY i literally just reached home and opened my email and i got an email out of the blue from my supervisor saying he will write a recletter for me and i didnt even ask him to! literally the temporal relationship was just.... JAW DROPPING. it's like God using my boss (who is btw a very devout christian) to tell me that IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. like those pple in the flood and God keeps sending pple in the helicopters and boats to save them

THAT'S WHAT IT FELT LIKE.

so i dont know what is gonna happen and whether i can survive
a) tonight's night shift (probably but i will come out looking VERY SHAG and leave VERY LATE as usual, which is terrible since i havent packed my luggage..)
b) my presentation (for which i learnt r in ONE NIGHT)
c) my flight (pls God please help us be safe......)
d) the one million residency related apps thingy and also my posting appraisal
e) my next posting which i dont even know what it is, or even let's not talk abt residency apps, i long ago left it to God because it is toooo stressful to keep stressing abt it. lets put it this way. it has been like 3 yrs since i graduated. if God wants me to get it, i'm sure that he will work out a way. clearly his plans must be greater than mine. i know he has A PLAN, i knew that without a doubt the way i saw the mopex posting sghed. i just dont know the precise plan. well i hope he has a plan because I HAVE NO MORE PLANS c,d,e etc. except to fly off to join msf tmr. which is not a gd plan becos i want to have some more training becos i dont think i am very helpful right now to them. i can be more helpful with better training! i know it... 

ok to cut a long story short, i just know God is going to save me and i think He just sent His first boat to save me from not one year of the flood but YEARS OF FLOATING AROUND IN THIS FLOOD. and no i cant walk on water but thank God literally that He taught me how to swim
~

jeremy camp - the answer
So many questions, the world is reaching
So many hurting, so many lost
With all this thriving, who can we lean on?
Creations crying, out from the dark

I know the answer, to every question
The one solution, to every fear
I know my helper, where it comes from
Jesus, He is the answer

He sees our sadness, He feels our sorrow
And in our weakness, He is strong
He holds the weight of, all of our failings

Let every heart awaken
To see it's You who saves us
You are my help and the rock on which I stand
You are my helper, where it comes from
Jesus, You are the answer
~

jeremy camp - my defender

[Verse 1]
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow
And I stand face to face with the enemy
I will know that I am not forsaken
You surround me when the fire's at my feet

[Verse 2]
I can see You when the night is closing in
And I will trust You when it seems that there's no hope
And I hold tight to the promise You have given
'Cause this I know and I am confident

[Chorus]
You're my defender
You fight for me
I will remember
You're all I need
You are my healer
My remedy
Against the power of the unknown
And I will not stand alone
'Cause You're my defender

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

all in



found this AMAZING SONG on spotify. such good inspiration for pre-conf research prep. (thank God for this day off for me to do stuff)

~
[Verse 1]
My feet are frozen on this middle ground
The water's warm here but the fire's gone out
I played it safe for so long the passion left
Turns out safe is just another word for regret

[Pre-Chorus 1]
So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
We're all dying to live but we're all scared to death
And this is the part where my head tells my heart
You should turn back around but there's no turning back now

[Chorus]
I'm going all in
Headfirst into the deep end
I hear You calling
And this time the fear won't win

[Pre-Chorus 2]
So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
I'm not turning back around 'cause there's no turning back now

[Bridge]
All to you Jesus, I freely give
As long as there's breath in these lungs I will live
With reckless abandon, my heart in Your hands
I surrender it all, I'm going all in

[Outro]
I believe that one day I will see Your kingdom come
And I wanna hear You say, "Welcome home my child, well done"

~

this encapsulates my life philosophy perfectly, why i do the crazy things i do. YES i realize even after all these years i am so so far from perfect. and half the time i am like WHY AM I DOING THESE CRAZY THINGS. and the other half the time im like, i wouldnt pick myself for anything anyway. and most of the time i'm just in a GOD SAVE ME FROM MYSELFFFF FUNK coz i know that sometimes my greatest enemy is my procrastinationZ. haha. but i guess it all worked out somehow. I REALLY HOPE THIS WORKS OUT. COS THERE IS NO MORE PLAN C. there is just a hope in something greater than me out there.

oh man back to research MUST FINISH. come on i can do thisssss
no more off days after today so must miraculously finish this tonight......
~

more good stuff
you are known from the same album

[Intro]
If you wonder if the prayers you pray
Are bouncing off the ceiling, you're feeling alone
I want you to know-ow-ow-oow, know-ow
You are known

[Verse 1]
Dear anonymous, the one that nobody sees
So insignificant, or so they made you believe
You will never be more than not quite good enough
Dear invisible, you're not invisible, no
This ain't the end, it's just the start of unbelievable
And you wouldn't even believe if you saw what I see in you

[Verse 2]
I know your greatest fear, I know your biggest mistake
Every square inch of your heart, I know what makes it break
And I am the One who bends down and picks up every single piece
Every single breath you breathe, every single hair on your head
Even the chapters of your life that haven't happened yet
And I know the plans that I have are bigger than your wildest dreams


Wednesday, November 8, 2017

aiming for hope

lovely song by david archulecta :)




Verse 1]
Watching the sky
Changing colors colliding tonight
Till I’m under a blanket of stars
Can’t help wondering where you are
Where you are

[Pre-Chorus]
The darker it gets
The more I can see it

[Chorus]
When you’re alone
And don’t know when the night will end
Just remember it’s never too long
So be strong
‘Cause there’s always a ray of hope

[Verse 2]
If there’s a way
A way to clear all these clouds
I’d show you how
There are always signs
Right above you
Made of lights, burning bright

~

101 things to dooooo as always. they are always the same but neverendinggg. research, study, work. in the end all i ever do is work and sleep HAHA.
anyway had a nice relaxing break! when life rolls on and on we never have any time to think of much but when you're on vacation you have time to think through stufff

except this vacation was a little bit abt extreme sports LOL so i spent quite abit of time hoping that i would survive all the extreme sports i signed up for - happy to report that i indeed survived all that my over-enthusiastic and ambitious planning landed me up in~

i also managed to fit in about 6 frcem intermediate qns from the book "get through mcem b", and learn loads of french through podcasts when in transit so that was great :)

there were many happy moments (in between trying not to fall off mountains) and beautiful sceneries but i think my ABSOLUTE FAV was when i was trekking behind H the guide thinking to myself how nice the footsteps in the snow was and wondering if God was trying to give me a little pick-me-up with the footprints-in-the-snow thing (seeing as how i have managed to survive like the past 7 years just remembering how God brought me through edinburgh with the one pair of footprins in the snow...) and H turned around and says "i'm really happy right now cos it's the first snow!"

trekking in the first snow of the season was really really awesome. also cos i knew (having been to that exact spot before haha) that even though the path looked scary and dangerous - that it actually wasn't! and that i had made it through that path before and could do it again. so i wasn't that freaked of the heights. haha.

okay off to enjoy my 2 days more of leave before i go back to work ~

i run to you

the afters - i run to you When the road has left me empty When I'm broken, tired, down and out When the darkness feels too heavy Whe...