Wednesday, October 18, 2017


more prenight shift musings

sometimes in the middle of all the rushing i feel like im hanging on by a rather small thread. not that i can't handle stress just that sometimes i think like HOW am i gonna finish all this mountain of stuff in time

i happily made it to church last sunday and just incidentally went for confession, didnt think too much abt it.

theN i came back and somehow managed to complete and prettify my presentation which i had been languishing on, trying to polish FOREVER to NO AVAIL. and sent it off to my boss for vetting. i was sooo amazed. plus i had such a nice resus shift ytd. it's things like this. its not that its an obligation to go to church per se (well it is, but yknow what i mean). its just that when you take one hour off your life to spend time with God, somehow somehow everything works out so nicely and smoothly that it's really amazing.

yeah ok i still have alot to work on. like when situations or people irritate me. i need to pre-psycho myself with loads of inducements (like retail therapy) so that im happy then i dont get irritated without thinking bout it! i can handle it at work and respond nicely to requests. its in my personal life that i guess my guard isnt up cos... DUH its slacking off time then i get very easily irritated. oh well. im human, what to doooo

things to do today
- claim weekend work pay
- ppt script
- ?? book tickets

"you're the right moment at the right moment
you're the sunlight that keeps my heart going"
henry "it's you"
sounds alittle bit like photosynthesis HAHA

i'm with you

SUCH a lovely and inspiring post!! shows that there are many way to follow one's dreams
and her drawings are so pretty.

i don't think i can make it to wearing that MSF white shirt before i'm 30 sighhh. it will be awhile

i honestly dont even know if when push comes to shove, i will be able to.

ok, i also think alot of it is idealistic dreams. yknow when you are young you just wanna SAVE THE WORLD, MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

and then life rolls around and true - its very exciting doing resus shifts (MUCH LOVE to the awesomest boss EVER i had the honor of doing a resus shift with today. it was soooo great and under control thanks to him. he even sent a pt to HD by himself. *britishaccent "im escorting the pt to hd" then he left LOL. all of us "did the con just send the pt to HD???"  nurses "wow he's really setting a good example" (as in they meant that he was setting a gd example by being hands on and all"))

but yea i guess after a year in ed i also know that it's not all IDEALISTIC SHINY SAVE THE WORLD. reality often intervenes.

i really do not know if i can make it to MSF. BUT. the dream of doing so somehow feels very very real. it would be MUCHHHH better if i could graduate from ed residency first becos then i would be really valuable to them. haha what a neat and easy seeming plan, just taking slightly longer than expected to come to fruition huh??

but anyWAY as this person writes in her inspiring article - there are many ways to help even if it's not what one expects. i didnt have to take the mcat but TRUST ME there was plenty of difficulty in getting to today. i am truly grateful to God for even helping me to get to this position of a ed medical officer. i would really like to repay him in some way. be it some way i have not even imagined yet, or perhaps what seems so real - my childhood dream - wearing that msf white shirt one day? dear God, please please pick me!! i have paeds background and i can handle -most- adult ed stuffs (except im not say super at intubating. ) - so please please help me to get the training I desperately need so i can become a better doctor and serve your people - be it in this country or through msf many years in the future.

- me, out.

Friday, October 13, 2017

it's you

it's you by henry from the while you were sleeping ost!
"cos you're the right time at the right moment...."

i strongly doubt i'll evah find such a person but anyways the song is great haha

another nice song!! by day 6
something is really addictive abt this part of the song. something to do with the melodies? chords they used at that part?
Really I loved you
It’s because I loved you so much
Because I want to forget you but I can’t
That’s why I want to forget you" 

you really feel that the singer loved the person ALOT when he sings that part "really i loved you... it's becos i loved you so much"...
ok admittedly i haven't ever loved anyone that much before (well not TRUE LOVE kind. teenage crushes maybe HAHA). but anyways 

off to work. hope i survive another busy dayyyy

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

whenever you need me

Dear Jesus, What is it that you want me to do for you at this point in my life? 


"Jonah set out and went to Nineveh in obedience to the word of the Lord" - Jonah 3: 1-10 

received this email in my inbox today. one of those prayer of the day things. made me think of the day we had the osce where nearly the whole batch mislabelled the bld cs during mbbs. totally NOT the thing u wanna be doing during ur final mbbs 

my post in march 2014 abt it:

notable bits:
" First God sends him on a suicide mission, then a storm at sea, and now a fish eats him! Now if it was me, I might take that moment to complain just a little bit, but Jonah doesn’t, he says: “I will sing a song of thanks. I will do what I have promised. Lord, you are the one who saves.”
"the storm was just to stop him from making a terrible mistake, and the fish was the world’s first submarine ride back to safety. God will do something amazing with you, even if you head in the exact wrong direction (I mean, you may come out smelling like fish guts, but still)."
" this is what i found &... i quite like it. haha. THE FISH WAS ACTUALLY SWIMMING JONAH BACK TO SAFETY" 
keep on swimming~
yea we are human and we get easily irritated and frustrated with life. but what amazes me is that despite all our flaws and follibles, we always ALWAYS get saved. somehow, somewhere, someway. even though we go through storms and get eaten by fish, somehow we always get spat out onto dry land. smelling of roses instead of fishguts. even though i still feel like im in the middle of a fish at the moment HAHA. in the middle of my metaphorical bus journey that i kinda sorta didnt really plan for, i know that somewhere out there lies a happy ending. i know this with faith and truth because it has worked out every single time before. i know this becos when i close my eyes i can see the edinburgh rooftops and the snow falling and the footsteps in the snow. and i know that if He was with me then, certainly He will be with me now too. yes there is always a lot to improve but i think He knows that we are only human too. what i love about this faith is that - our God is always forgiving, you can always go back to him when you drift away, and when you finally come back, He will always welcome you back with open arms and generosity. which is something that humans find very very hard to do. and that is why this faith is so amazing. nothing else could have sustained me through all these storms. 
ok. PREPARE PRESENTATION. i am such a procrastinator omg. 


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...