Thursday, August 31, 2017

love is not over/ dream

astro - i should have held on
It was like that rainy scene
From the movie we last watched together, oh no
You said goodbye with a stony face

On my way back
Memories of us together float up like a movie
The small present you gave me
Is that everything about me has changed

dream - the best hit ost

I thought I could catch them
The moments I dreamed of
So I walked strongly

With faith without reason
I kept going without giving up
I thought if I gave it my all
It will all happen before my eyes
In the end, I’ll get it, I pray every day
I’m only looking ahead as I run

I thought I could catch them
The moments I dreamed of
So I walked strongly

At the end of this dark tunnel
There will be a bright light
I ran endlessly, locked up in hope
Yea, I wanted to see that bright light
I thought I just had to go a little more

It felt like I could reach if I held out my hand
But why does it feel like I’m running in place?
It’s not enough yet, right?

If I wanna run again, I need to hold it in and get up
But there are so many things that make it hard to handle my reality
As if they’re trying to make me fall
But I’m trying to endure cuz I don’t wanna lose

It’s a dream I wanna fulfill with all I am
But why does it keep making it harder for me?
Why don’t they know how earnest I am?
I don’t expect much, that’s the only thing

But the more time passes, the more I wanna crumble down
Why must I throw myself into the responsibilities of the world?
Why do I have to endure that pain?
The world won’t leave me alone

I try telling myself that it’s not my fault
I can only avoid it and hide
If there is a God, please hear me out
This is all that I can do
And I hate it
I can only walk on a path of thorns
But I’m closing my eyes and shouting in my heart
I pray for my dream

I’m dreaming again
The dream I wanted
I pray with my hands together
Sometimes, I stop and look at the sky
Because I still have a dream to fulfill

Inside the endless despair
I thought I was the only one suffering
But the only thing I could do
Is to hope and pray
I need to endure, if my seat breaks

I must put it back together stronger
But the more I hope, the more I suffer
I’m curling up into a ball again
I know better than anyone else but I must start again

I must pick up the pieces
Of the memories that I thought of thousands of times
This is just a phase
But time is not passing
It’s alright even if it’s late, who cares?
In the end, some day, I’ll fulfill it
So what? Don’t compare me with others

All I have to do is have fun and walk on the path I want
If it’s hard, I can take a break, because I’m gonna get up again
I’m doing a good job, just like I am now

i have a dream woo woo
i have a dream woo woo

this song comes from the ost of the best hit - the drama i'm currently watching. so it's doubly meaningful. howevER the lyrics hit home so well that i would have liked this song regardless of whether i had been into the drama or not. i can't decide which is better, kim min jae's awesome rap or younha's singing! both are great.

parts i liked the best
"with faith without reason/ i kept going without giving up"
"in the end, i'll get it, i pray every day"
" i ran endlessly, locked up in hope"
"if there is a God, please hear me out"

"its alright even if it's late, who care? in the end, some day, i'll fulfil it. all i have to do is have fun and walk on the path i want"

HAHA i loved the conclusion.
really story of my life

ANYWAY. going for shift in 2 hrs. watching frcem intermediate videoS. its pretty fun.
i guess in life, i basically just pray that God will keep me (and my patients) safe. that's the basic prayer. and its HARD ENOUGH to survive just that. everything else is the cherry on the cake.

so there are 100000 undone things all the time but we keep going. not to mention wasting time faffing around with adobe illustrator, inkscape, falling into the abyss of cool things like making 3d/ 2d games with unity HAHA. learning korean - im taking classes on italki now its super fun!! had like 3 classes so far. i can (slightly) understand my teachers even when they talk completely in korean so its really fun and satisfying. goodness only knows what my spoken korean sounds like to their ears cos i have the vocab but like zero grammar skills so it must sound quite funny ahahaha. and planning holidays. HAHA. i think i have wasted alot of time bumming around these few months. BUT GUESS WHAT i love bumming around. and it makes you more efficient at work. kinda like how those people who train for marathons do nothing but bum and sleep in the daytime (well those super marathoners in kenya. apparently. i guess there are plenty of efficient marathoners who do loads of stuff when they are not running. but i couldnt do that. i would totally just burn out). all the nurses always tell me at the end of a long shift GO HOME GO HOME YOU WILL BURN OUT. but i dont feel burned out leh. i think its cos i bum SO MUCH at home HAHAHA doing all these nonsense stuffs

yea i totally know all this stuff is nonsense but i enjoy it. hahaha.
anyway its a useful skill ok. can make some awesome stuff with inkscape now

on another random note i am currently craving:
macbook air
go pro

however i dont have THAAAT much money so i am going to get these things slowly one by one in order of importance

also despite the lovely bumming time i think it might be prudent to start the application season HAHAHAHAAHA

what do i even say. i think just leave it to God. He clearly knows best, i no longer know anything anymore. i've decided to just leave it up to Him cos He has some really good plans far better than mine. but i should do my best and get my referees and survive my interviews and then if God really wants then i'm sure He will help me this time. it would be a miracle to suddenly get my miracle after all these years hahahaha its great that i can laugh at myself and my ridiculous journey through this life but OH WELL.

inside the endless despair/ the only thing i could do/ is hope and pray

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