About Me

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

my everything/ and all you have begun you will complete

SO i passed my frcem primary!!! i also survived a full 6 mths ed posting, and took NO MCs at all thereby earning a very cute cert hahah along with loads of my friends. i also mananged to finish shift on time to actually get to the farewell dinner (a feat by itself..). i also then had a CRAZY night shift thereafter where we were all foaming ++++ but ok lets ignore that haha. THANK GOD the senior was the super nice and chill dr a hahaha made an otherwise foaming night all the bearable.

it was a really tough 6 mths for a variety of reasons. i think alot of the reasons were SUPRATENTORIAL. like how i studied VERY HARd in feb for the frcem primary and then alot of shithappened so then in may when i wanted to restart studying i was really NOT KEEN coz i had alot of bad memories from when i was industriously studying in feb. but i also couldnt not study coz... duh its better to pass the exam.

ANYWAY. I SURVIVED IT. thank God. met alot of awesome friends along the way as well. so many good memories. watching chest tube insertion post shift in resus with zy. meeting the hilarious R (and his phone callz omg). post frcem primary dinner at holland v with the edmopex mos, was really really nice. reminiscent of those post exam celebrations in med school! having c in ed for a good chunk of the posting was great too, its so nice to see an extra familiar face and make the ed feel even more like home haha. altho i stay there so long all the time it alr feels like home. it's still nice.

it's true that these six months have made me, or helped to harden my resolve in being JADED BEYOND BELIEF. and i dont dare to make myself unjaded, to let my walls down. i dont dare in the slightest. but yea i do think that compassion for humanity is not a bad thing, and i think its not something i should forget. its how to balance the jadedness and the walls of defence we put up so we dont get hurt by the world, and how to show others compassion at the same time. i dont deny that that is a difficult, everyday balance. i may talk really quickly to the pts due to time constraints but i try to at least be really sincere and nice in those 5 mins so that they feel that someone listened to them and that i really wanna help them and that they arent just part of my ever-changing quota numbers.

there are many seniors i really admire and respect like dr f, dr s, dr cs and so many more. (dr f is SO AMAZIN whether it be to patients or colleagues or mos, he is literally my hero, plus he is SO GOOD at m&r. i cant describe my happiness at the day he brought me thru an ultrasound guided m&r via bier's block and behind me everyone was like WHOAAA as they saw the fracture hump smoothening out on the ultrasound hahaha cheap thrill but also very very awesome). they inspire me to try my best each day and keep on going despite some days the foam +++

praying and hoping that with God's grace, i can keep on walking this ed path for many years to come. i know that if it is His will, it will come to fruition. i think what the past six months have taught me is that when you give it to God, it's not abt saying "oh i give up for five minutes cos i know God will give it to me five mins later and all will be good" like a petulant 2 year old who wants some candy. its abt being grownup and accepting that sometimes we dont get exactly perfectly what we want but in the end -whatever- happens will be for good, whatever it may be. i know that in the end its not going to be perfectly what i wanted (ummm three yrs of mopex is not exactly what i planned for so we're all good already HAHAAH), but it's going to work out well. what is well, or good, i'm not sure but i KNOW its gonna be ok. at least i hope so, but for now i'll just enjoy the busyness of ed, try to be safe and be fast, and guess what, being priviledged to live life in the fast lane is all that we could ever have hoped or prayed for. thank you God for knowing which part of medicine i would love the most and which suited me and my personality the best and guiding me (not so gently HAHA) to it.

"My Everything"

When my hope is lost
And my strength is gone
I run to you and you alone
When I can't get up and I can't go on
I run to you and you alone

'Cause you're my light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart

My almighty God divine
I am yours and you are mine
This is all I know how to say
Hallelujah
You're my everything

When I'm plagued with pain
And filled with fear
I run to you and you alone
When my days are few
And death is near
I run to you and you alone

When trouble comes and goes
And when the cold wind blows
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up
When sorrow knocks me down
And you pick me off the ground
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up
And I sing

Hallelujah
By the grace of God above
I'll shine a light 'cause I am loved
Ohh Ohh, You're my everything

"For All You Are" - casting crowns

When I'm standing at the end of me
In the rubble of my broken dreams
And the wells I've dug aren't filling me
And the world I've made's not what it seems to be
My life, Your grace
Here I exchange

All of me for all You are
I lay at Your feet my broken heart
And I'll find my healing in Your scars

You're the anchor in a raging sea
In the center of the storm You are my peace
You're the dreamer of my destiny
And all You have begun You will complete

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