Saturday, July 8, 2017

im your light

this song is strangely addicting hahah

im on night shift agaiN tonight. i mean i like nights (esp the pre night and post night sleeps) but 2x in one week is abit shag i think? and some nights can be really chuann. oh well. hopin to survive.

trusting is difficult but for the very little bit of happinesses sprinkled throughout the days, i thank God very much. it had been very very long without even the slightest miracle at all and it was getting a little hard to run. passing of exams and also starting to gym again was like such a huge rush of endorphins and happiness all at once. i chanced upon one of my former schmates blogs where she seems to have ?quit med to go travelling and she said that for the past three yrs she had been living with a low lvl anxiety which is why. i KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS. but in a way that low level anxiety DEFINES me. like a I KNOW THAT LIFE SUCKS and i EXPECT it to suck (primarily cos it has nearly always sucked for me in very illustrious ways). so HAH life you can't beat me! actually it can lah. but then i have my God who will save me from that in all manner of ways. # twisted life philosophies.

looking back on the last one yr of adult ed - HAS IT BEEN SO LONG.
it feels like just ytd that i stepped into an adult ed having palpitations++++
i dont feel senior or experienced in the slightest. the other night one of the mos was like "oh u know, u are the most snr mo tonight" me" HAHAHAHA omg".
i know that i have so much more to learN
the first six mths were really like honeymoon HAHAHA. anyone who knows the structure of our 2 eds will know what i mean. the second six months were exhilarating, exhausting, eye opening and educational beyond belief. i did things i could never have imagined myself doing and experienced excitement i could never have known. i realized that this is what i ALWAYS imagined medicine to be and this mental image of medicine is what made me sign up for it in the first place. yes i did get very very jaded due to a lot of circumstancial happenings but i think exchanging my idealistic innocence for this level of excitement (and anxiety) is a totally fair exchange and one i would make ANY DAY.

to this day i have no clue what God has in store for me. literally after this mopex posting i dont even know which is the best next mopex posting to apply for. (i guess i would be happiest staying in this place forever but shld i try anes to become better at intubation? icu? try other eds?) however i know that the past 1 yr of pedsed and then 1 yr of adult ed has been the MOST EXCITING and happiest time of my life. so literally thank God for those experiences.

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