About Me

Friday, June 2, 2017

so even in the dark im saying thank you/ the very next thing

its JUNE. how did half the year go by so fast?!

midyear reflections on 2017:

jan 2017: thank You for showing me that light can overcome darkness, that when all the doors are closed and we are despairing, you will open a window, and light and rainbows will come again.

//survived a night shift (and saw 18 pts! i cld prolly have seen up to 20 if i didnt have 2 difficult blds./ but this is also thanks to v nice bosses, and calling eye 3x in one night. HAHA. for the record, i did NOT cherrypick my cases and saw them strictly in order)

feb 2017

//had a really busy fever shift ytd and the nurses commented as i was psyching myself up mid shift "you're really good at this selfmotivating thing yeah"
(me " YAY! 7 patients! there were 9 just now! we're doing a good job!")

march 2017:

John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

// 2 weeks ago when the lights went out and the only thing i could see was candles in the darkness at the end of the long aisle. that's when i knew - that no matter what happens, and no matter what we do, that God is always there. that each setback is just God protecting us from something. sometimes yeah we screw up life. but He will turn it all for good in the end

april 2017:

at least there is some hope - that easter sunday will eventually come - that the sun will eventually rise again. that at some point God will come and save me from myself. maybe God will come and work some miracles, maybe he has already worked the miracles. these postings have been really great. i have learnt a lot that i really didnt know before. i dont know how i expected to join drs without borders/ do mission trips with literally only peds knowledge/ how to treat urtis and do t&s and remove fbs and m&rs and document on computers. and God answered my plug setting prayers.

may 2017:
 conf was AWESOME, a great honor, my first int'l conf, very inspiring!!! a bright spot just as i was getting really very jaded and exhausted from the daily gridnd. and not least coz of the FREE FLOW OF STARBUCKS. one of those things where u realize God is answering all your small and big prayers in unexpected ways.

thought catalog:
~
Thank you for the pain. Thank you for the days I was afraid of my future, for the heartbreak, for the tough lessons, for the exhaustion and brokenness. Because I learned I am whole in you.

Thank you for the unanswered prayers.

Because this life is not about receiving what I ask for, not about basing my relationship with you on what I get, not about wishes being granted and having things my way. For your plan is greater than mine will ever be. And every unanswered prayer was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for being all that I needed. For listening when I poured my heart out, for guiding me when I lost my footing, for being a source of inspiration and trust, for staying when the world turned its back. 

Thank you for forgiveness. For forgiving me, for helping me learn to forgive, for the way forgiveness heals and saves and lets us begin again with new hope. Thank you for building my heart back to its full strength. Thank you for showing me how beautiful life can be when we let go. Thank you for opportunities, for new beginnings.

Thank you for hope.
~

"The Very Next Thing"

I spend all my time
Dreaming what the future's gonna bring
When all of this time
There's a world passing by
Right in front of me
Set my sights on tomorrow
While I'm tripping over today

Who says big things
Are somewhere off in the distance
I don't want to look back
Just to see all the times that I missed it
I want to be here and now
Starting right here, right now

With the very next words of love to be spoken
To the very next heart that's shattered and broken
To the very next way you're gonna use me
Show me the next thing
I'll do the next thing

Let my very next breath
Breathe out a song of praise to you
With my very next step
Be on a road that was planned by you
Lord, wherever you're leading me
That's where I want to be

Eyes wide open I see you working
All around me you're on the move (I'll do the next thing)
Step by step I'm running to meet you
In the next thing, in the next thing

~
ok. EXAM MUGGINg

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