Saturday, May 27, 2017

really really

winner's swag in (literally) street dancing version of really really. HAHAHA. v cute

if it was you

random collection of thoughts
1) I LOVE ICELAND. want to move there stat. nuff said.

2. produce 101 season 2 highlights

jung seung hwan's song if it was you from oh hae young (love when the things i love intersect haha)

NU'EST edited to seem like F4 HAHAHA

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

thought catalog 

found this awesome piece on thought catalog:
Thank you for this heart.

For this little muscle beating inside my chest. Thank you for its resilience, for its strength. Thank you for helping it beat, through every workout, through every morning when I was so so tired, and didn’t want to face the world. Thank you for giving me physical strength—to overcome obstacles, to push myself, to never quit.

Thank you for the pain.

Thank you for all the nights my tears blended with the shower water, the nights I didn’t think I’d get over him or when I felt so misunderstood. Thank you for the days I was afraid of my future, terrified of where I would go to college, or if I would do well on a test, or if my words could actually mean anything. Thank you for the heartbreak, for the tough lessons, for the exhaustion and brokenness. Because I learned I am whole in you.

Thank you for the lonely nights.

The nights I stayed up late, watching headlights dance across my bedroom window or the stars flickering somewhere off in the distance. Thank you for showing me how to heal and how to be on my own. Thank you for building my strength, day by day. Thank you for reminding me that emptiness is temporary, and that I can always be filled in with your love.

Thank you for the ones that left.

At the time their leaving felt like a betrayal, and I thought you had turned your back on me. But you were showing me who was temporary, and who was there to stay. You were showing me that I cannot put my faith in sinful people, cannot depend on them for the source of my happiness, but can instead must lean on you. And you won’t leave. Thank you for never leaving, and promising to stay by my side forever.

Thank you for the unanswered prayers.

Because this life is not about receiving what I ask for, not about basing my relationship with you on what I get, not about wishes being granted and having things my way. For your plan is greater than mine will ever be. And every unanswered prayer was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for being all that I needed.

For listening when I poured my heart out, for guiding me when I lost my footing, for being a source of inspiration and trust, for reminding me that I am yours, forever. And that I am loved. Thank you for staying when the world turned its back. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how harsh this life gets, you will always be here. Thank you for giving your son to die for my sins.

Thank you for forgiveness.

For forgiving me, for helping me learn to forgive, for the way forgiveness heals and saves and lets us begin again with new hope. Thank you for building my heart back to its full strength. Thank you for showing me how beautiful life can be when we let go. Thank you for opportunities, for new beginnings.

Thank you for hope.


getting into nu'est thanks to them being on my fav show produce 101!
their lead singer looks kinda like taeyang too hahah.

one of their old songs kinda brings me back to old memories haha. when i was YOUNG AND INNOCENT. now very very JADED lols. i guess i kinda dont really miss those young and heady days but nevertheless never hurts to reminisce when songs bring me back to those times.

i was totally sold by the first line "your face grew cold/ i didnt know why i was so lost in you" and i rewatched JR (jonghyun's) rap SO MANY TIMES (in the middle of a very long life/ there will be a day where i forget you/ sometimes i look back at us/ cos my efforts are honest to me/ i just need to tie my untied shoelaces and run again"


nuest - good bye baby
Your face grew cold
I didn’t know why I was so lost in you
Only scars remain in my angry heart
Then you told me to at least keep the memories
The light that only shone on me was you
But I can’t be deceived by the trap of time and stay here

Even if I have to walk through an endless tunnel
I can overcome it
And let me say
Good bye baby Good bye baby
I can live without you

(JR's awesome rap!!!)
Living because I can’t die
I’m afraid I’ll be like that tomorrow
In the middle of a very long life
There will be a day when I forget you
Sometimes I look back at us
Because my efforts are honest to me
I just need to forget yesterday and get back up again
I just need to tie my untied shoelaces and run again

Just like the story of us written in an old diary
I can’t live while being lost anymore
Even if I have to walk through an endless tunnel
I can overcome it
And let me say
Good bye baby Good bye baby
Now I’m okay without you

Monday, May 1, 2017

reflections on 2017 travels part 1

in between the jet lag, here are some quick thoughts

1. conf was AWESOME, a great honor, my first int'l conf, very inspiring!!! i can't even begin to describe the gratitude and excitement. really very priviledged. I WILL DO BETTER. i will keep on trying! a bright spot just as i was getting really very jaded and exhausted from the daily gridnd. and not least coz of the FREE FLOW OF STARBUCKS
2. i realized a lot of things abt myself during this trip. travel does that to you. not least that i am not very mature and have a LONG WAY TO GO until i attain that level of maturity. oh well. also that after nearly THIRTY hours of travel, and lack of food (hungary airlines hahaha), i get very cranky. very very. i dont think i realized that before as i havent travelled more than thirty hrs at a time before. hahah.
3. one of those things where u realize God is answering all your small and big prayers in unexpected ways. like id wanted to go to canada when i was younger (i actually completely forgot that i even wanted this haha). and CHERRY BLOSSOMS, need i mention more? and the NEW PROJECT. ahhh i thought id enough of balancing work and research (btw it is VERY HARD cos all i wanna do when i get home from work is SLEEP), BUT how to turn down this when it's literally one of my life dreamssss.

anyway. there is plenty more to be done!
i love a busy life when there is tons of things to plan and do
yeah we always need checks and balances in life, that is TRUE. but also every now and then God gives us something awesome.
i definitely, in no way, deserved this lovely opportunity or the meeting of lovely people along the way

oh on a random note - here's the movies i watched along the way haha
there: fantastic beasts and where to find them, sherlock holmes. LOADS of great british bake off
back: trolls (feel good movie +++ haha), rogue one (AWESOME)

ok off to do my one million thingS
plus study for exaM


3 more days of AL! a much needed break cant decide if i shld just sleep. or do research. or study ecg. omg how how or do the mountain o...