Wednesday, April 5, 2017

rooftop moonlight

march was... a crazy month. i literally have NO IDEA how i survived. actually, i'm not sure one could have called that surviving. i definitely did not come out of that smelling of roses. hahaha.

nevertheless, there were some bright spots such as
- providing medical cover for a church event
- light in the middle of darkness (literally, sadly not metaphorically. BUT ONE CAN HOPE. actually, hope is all one has left hahahaah)
- the kindnesses of some bosses. especially dr f. BEST BOSS EVER SERIOUSLY
- the pre-easter confession. you know sometimes you cling on to something SO MUCH and it means EVERYTHING to you. the way the priest chuckled and said "oh dont worry about all that, these are small things" somehow made the world of difference. we spend so much of our lives trying to keep up with all the millions of things that seem to matter... but actually they dont! and there are so many other small things that mean so much in the grander scheme of things that we actually overlooked cos we were chasing after other things.

lent is ending soon. this has been one of the more difficult lents in memory. AND I'VE HAD SOME REALLY BAD LENTS BEFORE. trust me. hahah. at least there is some hope - that easter sunday will eventually come - that the sun will eventually rise again. that at some point God will come and save me from myself (dont even talk about a prince coming on a white horse, or me saving me from myself. HAHA.) i'm literally not under any illusions at all. maybe God will come and work some miracles, maybe he has already worked the miracles. my time of ambitions has come and passed. i just want to see my patients safely and send them home or to the wards happy (one of my pt's relatives last night was so cute HAHA. i passed by him waiting outside the xray room and decided to update him since i was passing by. and he was like WAH dr how u know i'm waiting here. HAHA). and try to approximate meeting the quota (altho i must say i do prioritize safety over quota meeting. but i do try to stay back within reasonable limits to try to hit the quota).

life plans aside - which i have pretty much given up on (yes this entire post literally reeks of giving up, i guess you could say i have, or you can call it MATURE ACCEPTANCE of life lol), i think that these postings have been really great. i have learnt a lot that i really didnt know before. i dont know how i expected to join drs without borders/ do mission trips with literally only peds knowledge/ how to treat urtis and do t&s and remove fbs and m&rs and document on computers. and God answered my plug setting prayers. i really thought he would never give me that life skill. guess desperation in resus wielding green plug in 1 hand and a pale hypotensive patient really does make all the difference. or maybe it's divine intervention and grace, i prefer to think of it that way.

here's hoping that everyone has some easter eggs and easter chocolate this easter season. that the crosses we bear may be just that little bit lighter, that God may, with or without our knowledge, make the paths either slightly easier, or at least make his presence a little more felt in a world where it isnt exactly the most obvious. 1.5 weeks to easter sunday, we can do this!!

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