Wednesday, March 22, 2017

walk by faith

"Walk By Faith" - jeremy camp

Would I believe you when you would say 
Your hand will guide my every way 
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith 
Even when I cannot see 
Well because this broken road 
Prepares Your will for me 

Help me to win my endless fears 
You've been so faithful for all my years 
With one breath You make me new 
Your grace covers all I do 

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face 
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace 

[chorus x2]

Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)

I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith

this really speaks to me -
this broken road/ prepares Your will for me/ help me to win my endless fears/ i'm broken/ but i still see your face/ i will walk by faith


dear God, this road is really difficult and long, i dont deny that. even when i fall, i'm gonna pick myself up and continue running. i think. eventually.

just please help me to learn how to be a good doctor. that's all i want and need. everything else isnt essential. passing exams, traineeships, all those pale in comparison. yeah it would be great. but i just want to be a good doctor. its been three years of working and im still working on perfecting this and i still have much more to learn. please let me never succumb to the stressors and please let me do the best for each patient.

love, me.

ps: thank you for showing me every now and then, that there can be light in the middle of darkness. even if the darkness threatens to overwhelm completely and wash out every shred of hope and gleam of light, Your light still shines through it all, indomitably

the mountains might be insurmountable and it might seem that everything is literally for naught sometimes

but i this i know - that you can turn all for good. dont get me wrong, for years i hoped for miracles against logic. i dont anymore. it's not that i don't believe in Your goodness, i just can't find it in myself to hope against hope anymore. i guess i've come to accept that this is who i am and that the fact that i can do what i do everyday is great as it is. wanting more would be expecting too much from this life. i guess i've come to terms with this. what i want to do in the future - actually i can still do it anyway. You have given me that much. years ago when i prayed to you to get into medicine, i still remember, i just wanted to be a doctor, i didnt really mind too much which kind. and You have given me nearly 3 yrs of that so far. i can never thank you enough for that. i know there were times when i literally thought i might not even make it thru med sch. not because of the academic pressures actually, because of everything else going on around me at the time. thank You for bringing me through that, stronger than before and miraculously happier than before. i could never have anticipated that.

so i will press on, although sometimes it seems really difficult, there are really cool and fun times too. most of the time the cool and fun times outshadow the difficulties.

i guess this is me, giving up the small part of me that was even slightly ambitious. because after years of chasing after these things - it feels like its no longer important to me.

i guess this is me - finally accepting that Your way is better, no matter what it may be. even if its scary cos i dont KNOW what Your way is. it's still better even if i dont know what it is. hahah. the future is no longer scary because i know that You are there in it. and knowing that no matter what the future is, i still need to know these things and these skills. and if it is your will, may i be able to continue learning about these things in this place so that one day i may be a better doctor and person than i currently am.

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