sigh, today is over and i have not finished my paper!!! argh. oh well. will try again tomorrow i guess. i did give it a good shot.
on a random note, looking back on everything, i guess it's not that you weren't a good person, oh no. it's just that everything i am is everything that you wouldn't want in a partner. oh well. it's good to put all the past behind one haha. and i am glad to have found people who love me for who i am. even though there are always timings that are off and there are always people who arent meant for you no matter how much you might want them to be (isn't there always?!), even though for some people it's way too latte. at least they loved me for who i am. and i am using the word love in a generic fashion comprising platonic and non platonic love. like how i love my cg mates but contrary to rumors not in that waY HAHA. like at least they laugh at my jokes. lol.
but then again, people who walk in and out of our lives make us who we are. like m. without m i really dont know if i would have passed mbbs all those years ago! altho pple say stuff bout him but it's really true. i think they wouldnt understand unless they were in that particular situation themselves. i don't know either why every now and then you float up in my consciousness haha. i guess it was a very big part of my life. because letting go was also a big part of the miracle, i dont think i can ever extricate that from my memory. everytime i look back on the past, reminisce on how God saved me, i can't run away from that door closing. but with each passing year, as God gives me more and more blessings and showers me with his comfort and joy, i realize that that was just the first out of many doors to close, designed to teach me that when all the doors start closing, that's when God will start opening windows for the rainbows to pour in
so it's not a sad thing, its decidedly a happy thing. although i did literally drag myself away from the first major door closing in my life, the next few doors were much easier. i guess it was made much much sweeter by meeting awesome people who believed in me
that brings me to my research. i really dont want to let down people who believed in me. i dont know why they believed in me, but they did. so i must do better :)
i dont know what im trying to say here. i guess that this was actually the EASIER road, not the harder one? follow God, he always knows the best way. the way our heart leads, even if it wants it with all one's might, is not really always the right way. i followed that road alllll this way and i landed up in the right place finally :) thank God. i think i realized it that night shift.
haha. most of my life realizations seem to be on night shifts/ post night shifts.
GUESS WHAT, past self, GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN AFTER 2AM (this goes contrary to what i learnt from how i met ur mother. pwahaha)
okay hope i survive this airway course tmr! go go
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