Friday, October 7, 2016

i'm never gonna do it alone


I’ve been looking from the outside, outside
I’ve been walking on a straight line, straight line
Scared to let the world see my failures, who I am, or who I’ve been

I’ve been waiting for somebody else to
Take the chance that I am so afraid to
I don’t know how to find myself am I the only one the only one

Oh I wanna feel You move me like a river running through me
I am so tired of trying to prove it 
I’m never gonna do it alone
God I need You to be my identity

It’s always easier to hide behind that
Camouflage that keeps our hearts so guarded
But there’s no shame when we surrender everything to You
Everything to You

had a very unsatisfying shift ytd. where i handed over 3 cases where i really wanted to do more but its not like i cld sit there for hours more waiting for a more clear disposition for the pt. nothing was wrong with my management but i just wanted to find a clear disposition, before i handed them over. its not usually like that, ive ended up staying back 3hrs post shift and settling all my pts before going before, not by choice but it just happened like that haha. but then the good thing? i guess abt emed is the part of handing over and going home. hmmm i think there are days when it works out well and days when it doesnt. some of the pts were handed over to me too, so not entirely my fault in that i was just a messenger for what needed to be done. RAHHH.

it's okay, every shift that isnt perfect just reminds me of how much more i need to improve.

maybe God wanted me to do this posting to learn how to set plugs. HAHA. entirely possible considering the exponential improvement in my plug setting skills.

looking back on my life, i dont think i cld have done this posting at any other point in my life. without ce, i would never have dared to do t&s or m&r, and i also didnt have a clue how to do backslabs. despite learning some of these things in med sch, i think u just have to do it hands on a couple of times before gaining confidence in it. SO it worked out well. i just need to keep on levelling up. that's the point of this one year right? to level up. YEAH i can do it!

watching a really nice drama now called drinking solo, about korean students studying for the civil service exam. even though i'm obviously not studying for the korean civil service exam, and exams nowadays dont for me involve studying all day (more of snatches of mcqs during rare free time and watching online lectures), i totally remember how i used to clear my room/ the house/ do EVERYTHING but study in the student days hahahaha and study while eating too. omg totally hits home for me. and how they just keep trying year after year to pass the exam. think it's really nice that a drama depicts their daily lives and struggles so accurately, rather than just being another sugarcoating girl meets boy kinda story, it really does portray actual human life. who says my life is not like a korean drama HUH haha.

on a more serious note, something i really did learn from all this kdrama/ korean variety show watching is that if some part is lacking, you can just do your darndest to fix the part that is lacking. i guess technically once you fix all the parts that are lacking, you can go up one level

and on a separate note, to my friend who just sold me the mcem books, THANK YOU SO MUCH. you have no idea how inspiring the books are. i really dont know what i did to deserve this kindness, but the books are awesome. thank you!!!

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