Sunday, September 4, 2016

love will have the final word

pre my virgin night shift at the new posting, having the usual pre-shift palpitations
what gets me thru the shifts is the knowledge that if God brings me to something, he will bring me through it. 

some jason gray lyrics: 

"Love Will Have The Final Word"

When the voice of fear rages in my head
Reading down the long list of my regrets
When the ruins are all I see
Remind me that it only means
That love isn't finished speaking yet

Of all the things I've ever heard
Let me remember when it hurts
That love will have the final word

When the place that broke inside you will not mend
And you wander in the dark without a friend
When the night goes on and on
this is how we know it's not the end

Cause the worst thing is never the last thing
No, the last thing will be the best thing

As long as God is on His throne
I am carried by the hope
That love will have the final word

"Even This Will Be Made Beautiful, Pt. 2"

Could this, even this, be made beautiful?
Growing up I was told the sun would always rise
And I believed because I was a child

I know I shouldn’t worry
And I should not be afraid
I want to walk across the water
I want to rise above the crashing waves

There’s never been a night the morning couldn’t break
Or a heart that wasn’t forged in the fires of its own ache
What’s left after the storm is left for heaven’s sake
For the breaking and remaking of our hearts

If you would choose to use me my Savior
In spite of my fears and all of my failures
I'm not much to look at
But whatever I am, I'm yours

there's never been a night the morning couldn't break/ i am carried by the hope/ that love will have the final word. 

it's been a rollercoaster past three shifts - fever/ procedure/ resus. i still have a long long way to go, and much to learn, but am ever grateful for the big & small mercies. like having a con i knew really well for the resus shifts, and knowing half the nurses there that day already. seeing the exact same case the day before during the shift i was called back for (!!) hence knowing exactly what to do. getting EVERY SINGLE plug and blood culture during my fever shift (literally a miracle). i don't know how much longer this marathon lasts, but im willing to keep on running. 

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