Tuesday, September 13, 2016

in brokeness i can see that this was your will for me

seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain 
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near
just came off a very very painful shift where i was, not kidding, CALLED BACK POST NIGHT which literally broke me

i was really surviving well, seeing 10-15pts/ night, getting all my plugs, doing the right things
no kidding

past two shifts my mind has been chugging along in a mental fog
in a level of exhaustion i had not known before (and trust me when i say ive had plenty of brutal shifts, brutal nights, long days) 

this was the LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 
at one point i told the sympathizing nurses "it feels like im just going to stay in hospital doing shift after shift and never going home" haha. 

ok anyway. somehow i survived it! not gloriously, not by any stretch of the imagination, but by the skin of my teeth. grateful to the nice bosses and also post shift chilling with c which helped my sanity. 

just praying that i do the right thing always
its very hard but I WILL TRY MY BEST. 

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