Wednesday, July 20, 2016

what you want

"What You Want"

Everyday I've been feeling the pressure
I always gotta know the plan

It's a wait that I've tried to shoulder
I thought I could, but I can't
And I'm so tired of chasing dreams
When I am wired to let you lead

Oh I'm feelin' this surrender
I feel myself come alive
And the burden feels like a feather
When I let my agenda die
And I get so tired of my own dreams

You're changing my heart
And want what You want
To love what You love
If that is enough
There's no greater plan that I need to know
You only ask me to follow
And want what You want, You want


you're changing my heart to want what You want... & that is enough

faced with my own inadequacies yet all over again, i guess i can sort of? count myself lucky that i just scraped thru the day. came back and totally crashed, then woke up resolving to fill in the gaps no matter what it takes & how long it takes.

i think what saved me from dying totally was that the day before after church i went to find father c and asked him to pray that a) i dont kill anyone and b) no one kills me. the way he chuckled after i said that made me feel much more assured HAHA. and then meetin chai in the mo room before shift & he showed me around etc. really dont know how to thank him for that. oh and nat and the ultrasound machine. the sense of relief when she appeared from beyond the curtain bearing an ultrasound machine, you really had to be there to believe it.

the gap between dreams and reality is really rather... gaping. ok that's a huge understatement.

anyWAY plans for my day off include:
studying for mcem part a :)

studying for mcem part a is turning out to be really enlightening. i really dont think i learnt half of these things in med school. i vaguely remember mugging foramen magnum in yr 1 anat. but foramen lacerum?! ok. at least i know it now. so much for neurosurgeon101.

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