Friday, May 20, 2016

year of mercy

just had a really good chat with a :)

i think things are starting to make sense now. will this work? who knows, haha. the only way is to try and find out. anyway, there are always Backup planZ.

you never know, God does work in strange ways.

but somehow my heart felt at peace (for the first time in a looooong while) when discussing this plan.

i know even i felt like taking a break from it all for so many months was so silly. like hey i'm a machine i can just keep running & running even without oil or batteries. but you know what, sometimes you need time off to think about what you are really doing & why you are doing it. like are you running on the right trail or have you lost your way?

when i go back to the start of it all: why i wanted to do medicine; and really THINK about it - then i think my answer is crystal clear.

but i dont think that all this time is wasted cos it's really useful experience, i really loved what i was doing for the past year, and also we don't really know how things are going to pan out. only with perfect hindsight then we'll know haha. and who knows whether i'll actually be good at other stuff. lol. but then again, whatever i know about little kids is also painstakingly mugged up, or from endless ward rounds/ reg rounds/ post call rounds/ etc. it's not like i was born knowing these things.

i think what the past 2 years taught me is that if i really put my mind & heart to it, i can pretty much learn anything (be it procedures/ sedating people/ languages) & if i practice it enough, i can be good at it.

& so if i have a chance to really do my starry-eyed eighteen year old self proud & do what she reaaaaally wanted to do with her life, then i should try it.

not because of stories lost in translation that turned out to have been mistranslated, or vague fireworks in a night sky on a winter's day. i dont think we should trust those things.

bring it on, i can do this 

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