About Me

Thursday, January 21, 2016

pricked

I keep having ptsd abt my night shift sigh. No matter how i try, i keep hearing the 5am (and 6am, and 7am, and 8am) admonishments replayed in my mind at random times. Dunno sounds like ptsd to me. Dont get me wrong, i know what went wrong (the very definition of technical difficulties) and i know that i shld have been in perfect tiptop condition to roll with the punches. And yeah five years of boxing practice and i cant roll with the punches... thats what im most dissappointed with myself about. And yeah i know i was not the only one who got scolded (we all did) and i know all the migitating factors and stuff. And i traced back the pts i ended up admitting and i feel relieved that in the end everything was ok. 

But the words keep ringing in my ears. 

So its probably good that i met my supervisor today for our first proper meeting! :) only cos the last time it was dr s (who was so awesome btw) and he only realized he was my supervisor like halfway thru the posting LOL so this time, thought id prob shld be more proactive waha. And she was telling me that im better the second time round :) sometimes its good to hear from someone other than ur internal cheerleader that you are actually swimming rather than sinking. And its also probably good if my supervisor doesnt think i am tooo chui. Yes. Not that honestly marks really matter to me at this stage of my life but passing the posting is prob a good idea. 

Anyway. I always pick myself up. And for those times i cant, God will :) so i know its going to be ok! I will just learn what i can from it, there are a lot of things to learn from that night. And a lot of good advice from my supervisor today. And keep on walking this very very dimly lit road and hope that one day i will see the light at the end of the darkness like i distinctly did, 6 yrs ago that night (incidentally with m, which it is too latte for, guess we cant have  everything) 

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