sometimes it really feels like i'm running without a break, without a drinks station, without my God. sometimes you just need to take a step back & see if you're running in the right direction?
it's really easy to love everyone sometimes when everything is goin' all peachy, when the nurses all know u so well and trust you and all the plugs go in so easily. when the cute kids are running around pulling at you wanting to play. like one call we were seeing an early review and t came up and was like JIE JIE FEED ME! the reg was really amused "i think the kid just asked u to feed her!" t is really so so cute, one day i overheard my ho saying "t is such a darling!" as she profferred her an apple pie from mc d's. to think i started 31 in such stressful conditions and ended it feeling like i could do anything.
i dont know when i started running off into the wrong path? i just know it feels like im running further and further into the woods. i'm in such a relatively chillax ward now it should all be like permanent golden weekends. furthermore when i did 31 i did three weekends in a row. maybe i'm reaping the general exhaustion from it all...? i don't know.
anyway. i'm kind of hanging on. it's just that during this period of hanging on i dont think i've been a very good human being. and i wish i made better choices during my last call. that's all. i have 2.5 calls more and i resolve to do my very best. after all, after this, depending on God's will, i may or may not come back to this department again, so i guess even if the reg is annoyed at my plug setting skills, it's probably okay. LOL.
2.5 more weeks and 2.5 more calls.
my resolutions are
1. be a good person. okay this is very generic but i guess even if i feel snappier than a snapper fish, i should strive to be as cheerful as if i was having a christmas holiday roasting chestnuts by the fire, for starters.
2. always do what i know is the Right thing, and ask if i do not know what is the right thing to do (and not be afraid to ask).
3. to make it for church. cos i can't do this on my own
been thinking a lot about what life Means & i think that it always comes back to the same few things, if you know what your principles are & stick to them you'll never go wrong. to chase after fame/ satisfaction/ exotic holidays - those are empty things. something i learnt years ago - how could i ever forget that? that said not to be a grinch in a daily life either. sometimes it can be very hard & you just want to eat chocolate. i think that's an allowable exchange ;p
anyway to make this a more cheerful post, i am really thankful to d for saving me from a potential crevice yet once again, my sixteen yr old self has excellent sense in choosing friends. and to m for helping me, despite everything, once again. okay maybe my 24+ self has good sense in choosing friends too ;p or maybe God just sends the right people at the right times.
THIS IS GOING TO GET BETTER.
actually, it's not. i somehow got into the middle of a rounding switcheroo tomorrow which basically favors me the least. but i trust that God will somehow bring me through, so that i can MAKE IT FOR MASS TOMORROW. yes. that is my main aim. with all my patients in the various wards safely handed over/ clerked/ seen with the reg/ plugged. ONE MORE DAY TO THE WEEKEND we can do this :)