Tuesday, December 1, 2015

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father. Eph 3:14
Sometimes we can become so busy that the pressures of the needs of the moment make us blind to the greater realities.
We need to pause from time to time to reflect on the greatness of God and his love in all its breadth and length and height and depth.
The phrase `for the reason' is repeated in Ephesians 1:15, 3:1 and 3:14. To be aware in even a limited way of the magnitude and wonder of God's love can only result in heartfelt worship and provides the stimulus to living out that love in all our lives. Hence the importance of pausing to reflect on his word, to praise, to give thanks, and to pray for forgiveness and help for ourselves and others.
We need power to live like this, and the Holy Spirit can give us that power. As we trust Christ, so he lives in our hearts. As we are rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, so we can grasp something of its dimensions.
The love of Christ is wider than our limited acceptance of people. It includes all mankind, whatever our racial background, our cultural heritage, our socio-economic classification, our educational or professional achievement, our political freedom or lack of it, our age or our sex. He loves each of us as his own dear child. That colleague we find unbearable, Christ died for him. That patient who has neglected himself to the stage of degradation, God loves him too, just as much as he loves you!
The length of the love of Christ is eternal. He never stops loving, no matter what we do or what happens. There is no time when Christ does not love you or all of us.
His love is higher than any other. It ennobles and enriches us in ways beyond description. Indeed, it lifts us to heaven to the very presence of God.
And the love of Christ reaches down to the worst in all of us. No matter how you've failed of what you've done, he forgives and forgives and forgives. But of course we must accept that forgiveness, it is not automatic. Sadly, there are those who will reject the love of Christ. But they need not, indeed must not. Our calling is to demonstrate that love in our own lives in such a way that all will have every opportunity to know it for themselves.


Dear God, 

I am sorry for the times i've failed you. For the times I've said stupid things in interviews and taken a whole round trip round the world in consequence. For the times I failed plug setting even as the mother was saying a litany of hail marys, and yet still I couldn't do it. For the times i've struck out verbally because of anger and deep seated insecurities, and blamed others for what i know only too well were in reality my own failings. For the times I didn't prepare well enough and thus didn't manage to get things i should have had, that for all i knew you had actually planned for me, but because of my own human limitations, I didn't manage to do it. 

But somehow, despite all that, you turned every single painful time into my life into something that i ended up cherishing & looking fondly upon. Every single season of awkwardness, loneliness, heartbreak, was always inevitably followed by a season of outpouring of love, achievements i had not even dreamed of or dared to wish of & consolation for the future wrestling matches with life ahead. Even small scattered prayers that i had long forgotten, like how we could never make friends with debaters from other schools were answered so generously years later when i started debating for medicine. i knew then that you were listening to all the prayers i had prayed all these years. 

Isn't it funny, how years ago no matter how I would say "it's going to be okay", it never would be, and now suddenly when buoyed by my own experiences I could confidently advise others "God will definitely come through for you, it's the third time. He always comes through" - said with my last vestiges of innocent childish faith before I surely but certainly grew up & can no longer ascribe the world childish faith to myself now. And he really did! Thank goodness for that. 

For myself, I think that (happily), I no longer have the despondency or desperation of yesteryear. Initially when I came to this path, I only begged God to make me a doctor. I never really thought of specifying which kind, I really just only wanted to be a doctor, any kind was fine. Fastforward all these years and I finally achieved my life's goal, but you see, you can't just be any random doctor, you have to be a good and competent one. Therein lies the difficulty. 

So yes, I still don't know, and I can't say whether I've found peace in my life for sure. But I'm going to keep trying til one day, God shows me the path. It was only until I worked as a HO for more than a few months that it struck me - after all that pre med sch angst & wondering what to do with my life, He really had called me to be a doctor, that was my Answer. 

I really don't know if God will come through for me the third time. On one hand I'm really calm about it, on one hand I think I'm secretly that kid again, holding onto the cloak, hoping for another miracle no matter how slim the chances seem. 

But this I know, that no matter what it is, that He is going to turn this season into something I will remember happily. That He will give us peace in our hearts at however it turns out, that this is part of a Plan that I just can't see now. That whatever it is, it's going to be much better than I ever expected. I know this because I have marvelled countless times at the previous parts of the puzzle when they all fell into place. I just pray that between now & whenever it is that I finally find my answers to this season in life, or my miracles that I keep on holding out for, that we have peace in our hearts & never lose our God. That was my prayer then, & remains the same now.  

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