Sunday, November 1, 2015

if you

today's sermon was quite nice :) "if you put God first & rely on him, everything will fall into place" its the kinda thing one usually says in one's head as a virtual cheerleader, like "IT'S GOING TO BE OK", and "IF IT'S NOT OK IT ISN'T THE END" and "TRUST GOD, HE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU", so it was nice to hear it from someone other than myself for once. kind of an affirmation that im not just talking to myself huh. 

been uncharacteristically reflective these few days or so. i think it isnt really the right time to be honest. when will it be the right time? or the right person? 

the second part of the sentence after 'everything will fall into place' was "not in your timing, but in God's timing". 

i guess i just feel really very stretched & stressed everyday. i dont know how these pple do it all the time coz i sure can't. when the weekend comes, it's such a relief to unwind & go gymming & put everything aside, or go eat yummy food w good company. thank goodness i actually have weekends off. and last month was in such a chillax ward too!! 

so no. probably not the best time. 

more wise words "you dont need to be perfect to be loved" yes i am not making this up. best sermon ever. i think after all these yrs something i have discovered is that emotional equilibrium is very very impt. it is one thing to have the most impt thing in your to do list be pbl and totally another thing to feel responsible for half a ward (&sometimes like the whole ward when the other side mo is busy). there really isnt any time (personally) to think abt other stuff. the other day when i discovered my ho hadnt taken bld transfusion consent -_- then i realized that really have to check all the ho's work sigh. & the one person that has been there thru everything & will be there whether you do good or bad, that will be there despite of the timezones, etc, is God. it's cheesy but its really true. although he does send some angels like d, a, etc for me to send whatsapp sos-es. (yes its hard for a person to change COMPLETELY. wahah). 

so my resolutions for the new month ahead
1. go very early everyday
2. check all the drips and antibiotics doses
3. plot everyone's height and weight
4. know all my pts and flip thru all the old notes **** sounds so easy but yknow in the morning gold rush... 
5. check and double check all the hos work (including the home prescriptions)
6. do all my research like my life depends on it (it actually does. plus it is the inspiration for the life i am choosing & sth i love to do anyway. its just that sometimes after a loooong day u just want to go home and chillax. oh well. IT'S WORTH IT.)

& maybe one day, finally the pieces will all fall into place. i dont know when that day will come if ever. sometimes in the middle of all the slogging it doesnt feel like it. sometimes the mirth in the middle more than makes up for it. or an unexpected gift that keeps me going :) 

one thing at a time, i shall pray very hard that i survive the next 2 days...

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