some things get easier but some things really don't
sometimes you get random bits of encouragement but along with that carries the weight of new responsibilities & stresses
i have NO idea why God suddenly chose to give me this opportunity. i was most surprised when it popped up cheerily in the middle of the 75mo room and snowballed into something which has the most exciting prospects. but then again
so here's the plan
1. apply for the (planned leave) on prosoft
2. try to work on papers
3. long run to botanics later! :) since the haze has -temporarily- abated (OR gym since sadly it looks like it's going to rain)
4. continue bumming coz the first 3 days of the week have been reaally crazy (solo in nursery + outside), to the point that the reg felt sorry for me and actually did one septic workup herself (oh well. it was nice of her. i cant believe i survived those three crazy days. really amazed.)
5. email the lovely secretary with further casenotes to trace.
6. email my supervisors with qns
2. researchhh (old - aim to do 50 cases + a bit of the new one)
1. hopefully the case notes wld have arrived and i can do the first 4 cases
tues - HOLIDAY
2. old researchh - aim to do 50 at least (so then it will be like 460 cases. and it wouldnt be soo bad)
1. do the rest of the cases for the new project (my part) finish (haha. hopefully)
2. update my supervisor that im done and will start tracing the other cases (shared part) + email secretary to kindly help
hopefully start on the new cases! if not, come back on sat/ sun to do
aim to finish by end of nov so they can send off the data
aim to go to hk next year, with God's grace :)
i remember a few yrs ago, it was on the day of the feast of the epiphany where i was asking God whether i should go ahead with this elective or not & i came out of it with a very strong conviction that i should. literally a life-changing decision that has led to this entire rigamarole of going round in circles lol. at first, i felt that i couldnt understand at it at all. it was just completely beyond my comprehension & it just seemed so illogical. esp since i really had such an unwavering hunch. after that i stopped bothering to demystify it or to try and use hindsight on a situation that hasnt even come to its conclusion yet. but it's been an enjoyable time overall, i really learned alot!
anyway, i'm now literally spending my life doing something i absolutely love, for the forseable (near) future. so i'll enjoy however long of that that life wants to grant me. there are enough daily challenges that there isnt much bandwidth to think of the future (although practically speaking i should scrape together enough gigabytes to go for the mandatory teas and things. haha). & truly if God really did intend for me to go down this route, & if the last minute birthday present out of the blue was truly meant to encourage me two days before an interview which i felt admittedly a little resigned about, then maybe i'll get it this time. if not, i'll think again then about what i'm truly meant to do. in the meantime there are SO many things in life (& so many faults & flaws i wouldnt know where to start...) to do, i'll take it one thing at a time :)
also: dear God, thank you for the (belated) birthday present, as i sat there in the meeting & my role in this project slowly dawned upon me, i realized that this good & perfect gift could only have come from you :) i'll make sure that this one is the best yet!