Monday, August 17, 2015

that was then this is now/ my everything

"Coming Home"

I'm not sure what's left to say
I can't count the times I've turned away
To look for love in the saddest place
Don't give up on me, don't give up on me

Oh God I've been running for so long
Don't know how I get so far out here on my own
But oh God I'm running back to Your strong arms

I've had a second chance a thousand times
But You're the light left on, You're an open door
And You'll always give a thousand more

"Pushing Back The Dark"

One million reasons why, you shouldn't even try.
After all you're just one heart, a single candle in the dark.
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears,
That you don't have what it takes - who are you to make a change?

But oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

The city on a hill, it should be shining still.
Every sinner saved by grace, has a purpose, has a place
Inside the bigger plan, we might not understand.
But if we just keep walking on, we will see the Kingdom come, yeah.

(Let your lights all shine)
When you feel like you're too small
To do any good at all
Like a sunrise through the window
Like a symphony crescendo
We are shining like the stars, we are pushing back the dark

"My Everything"

When my hope is lost
And my strength is gone
I run to you and you alone
When I can't get up and I can't go on
I run to you and you alone

'Cause you're my light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart

My almighty God divine

When I'm plagued with pain
And filled with fear
I run to you and you alone
When my days are few
And death is near
I run to you and you alone

When trouble comes and goes
And when the cold wind blows
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up
When sorrow knocks me down
And you pick me off the ground
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up/ And I sing

things are falling into place, why life leads me towards certain combinations of postings, becomes more clear

i really do want to try this & i know that if the opportunity arises & its the right thing to do, it will happen. :) 

really do love owl city/ adam young's songs. according to him he just messes around writing songs wherever he is so he called his newest album mobile orchestra. coz he IS like a one man mobile orchestra. watching the mv of my everything as he sings soaring hallelujahs, just one dude wandering around in an impossibly green forest in a scruffy jacket and jeans, makes me feel so amazed that at the level of resting consciousness he is singing such ringing hymns of praise. that even though he is not officially a christian music singer but releases music to everyone in general, he so unselfconsciously releases this kind of amazing music without doubting whether people will like stuff that doesnt sit with their beliefs, or not. he just releases it anyway, and does such an awesome job with it. really such soaring hallelujahs. wish i could sing like that on my way home post shift, for instance. usually i just eat chocolate. you can tell from the way he sings that he truly does believe what he is singing. that you really ARE not alone. that God IS his everything. that in God his hope is Found.

it's funny coz in the time i spent walking around in the snow, i never expected it to become something i thought so often & fondly about. but whenever life makes me feel stressed or uncertain about the future, i always somehow visualize myself walking in the snow with one set of footprints & realize that God carried me through that time. even so many yrs after the events have passed. or maybe it's BECAUSE it's so many yrs ago, a rather rosy picture (or cozy wintery picture, rather), is painted of it all. even if half the events took place in summer too. it's really comforting to visualize this picture in my mind & make the correlation that if i survived that, i could survive anything. that if God could save me once, he could save me again. and that he didnt save me once for no good reason at all, he must have SOME Plan for me, he can't just allow me to comfortably sink into oblivion & slackery.

well it's nice to feel comforted, no qns about that, but i'm not really under any illusions nor do i have any more space in either my left or right ventricles, or atria for useless hopes & dreams, or fears. beyond how to survive each day's shift, or night, there's not really much other activity in my supratentorial region. except maybe REM sleep. that aside, it's been such a rollercoaster these few mths that if my dreams really do come true somehow someday, ill perhaps have fond memories of these days too. haha.

anyway, long term life plans aside (im getting quite tired of long term planning), if this short-mid term plan comes to fruition, it would really be fulfilling one of my lifelong wishes & everything would fall into place so nicely. so here's hoping i manage to jump through just a few more hoops ~

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