Tuesday, July 14, 2015

on the road

like our promise, i'm going to meet you at the end of this road
there are times when the day is long and there are times when time flies
you just need to keep making those steps, without wavering
the love that i didnt know then, here is comes

there are times i want to drop on my knees &
there are times i want to turn back
but i know there's a reason for this road
you fill up the sky, you blaze the sky aglow
just one more time, shout to me so that i can hear

we are walking together
standing on the same road
you give me the light to see, i can hear you calling back for me

Friday, July 10, 2015

the time i loved you

d1 of leave! spent... sleeping. omg. 

other than my chronic sleep-wake dysfunction for this posting, there are so many things afoot & up in the air that a juggler on crack and espresso would be hard-pressed to keep track of in an efficient, gravity-defying manner. oh well. just another day in the life

just survivin'. i love the pictures of nemo in the consult rooms. JUST KEEP ON SWIMMING. the other day around 4am i went to consult the con something about a six month old baby and the con said "i agree with you", was so shocked i nearly jumped out of my skin !! seriously. 

anyway despite the great divide btw practical and mugging and the great expense of an exam i dont even know if i am going to specialise in the relevant specialty for, and the fact that the facts may or may not surface when actually needed, and NOT ENOUGH TIME overall, i'm making a very small dent in starting to mug. yay?

it occured to me the other day that i usually perform better in high-stress situations where i sort of pre-amp up my game in anticipation of a difficult time, as opposed to situations where i naively and happily look forward to things or assume it's going to be a piece of cake. the only times it really is a piece of cake is when i am literally having cake for brunch or something. haha. so in a wayy having 101 things to do is sort of exciting and a challenge to conquer (looking on the bright side)

looking on the dark side, i'm going to be insanely busy and stressed and sleep deprived for the next few months omg. but then anyway the sleep-wake cycles are aaaall a bit off ANYWAY. i had a really nice day of slacking the other day due to stacking of shifts such that i was actually awake in daylight hours and sufficiently energised to gym for the first time in nearly TWO MONTHS. but then i got flu from an unknown source (but very likely from some kid less than two yrs old, chances are...) and haven't gymmed since. sigh. 

i dont have access to crack, but ESPRESSOS yes. or some form of caffeine anyway. ok whatever it is or may be, i really enjoy studying this stuff. i really love it. dreams vs reality, i'll run to the end of this race and then i'll take it from there. all the detours, getting eaten by bears in the forest, all the sea-swims, i know i can make it :) 

also, packing up my life in boxes AGAIN. its been like five years since i last did that. although i have significantly more stuff to pack now. lemme think all i reaaally need is scrubs, stethoscope, android phone and credit card and pastest book. i think i can survive with just that leh 

Saturday, July 4, 2015

evening sky

had quite a nice (if calorific) dinner ytd. all these dinners are always v entertaining coz there are so many pple whom i dont really know that well but by the end of the night i always end up listening to funny stories abt people lol.

as of today, i havent gymmed or ran for TWO MONTHS *gasp*. minusing running for resus cases, or c sections, or hypotensive pts... oh well. i really miss running :(

my current daily schedule looks something like this
4pm-1am - shift (actually supposed to finish at 11pm. but i hardly ever truly leave at 11pm. haha)
broken down further
3.45pm: arrive at ed, grab scrubs, change, bum in pantry eating ed provided dinner & chatting to nurse/ fellow mos/ the occasional con, go and chope a room if not already assigned
355pm: log into all my accounts/ download templates/ grab sweets for bribery
4pm sharp start seeing some easy URTI case
430pm: usually get interrupted by some kid who needs puff
5pm: remove fishbone!
6pm: put hand/leg cast for kid who has fooshed/ fallen down in some way or another
8pm: fluoroscein baby with red eyes & call eye coz... BABY
many more urtis....
1055pm: pick up kids with vomiting... neccessitating trial of feeds/ urilux testing galore
1am: cab back
1am-3am: unable to fall asleep
3am-1pm: ZZ
1pm-330pm: bum around at home, doing nothing of benefit to society/ own future life goals *cough exam studying cough*, definitely not gymming despite daily resolutions to go for early morning gym classes

rinse wash repeat. but it's actually getting kinda fun :) hearing stories of adult ed from my peers at dinner ytd also makes me curious as to what adult ed is like! maybe, depending on how life turns out..

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

if you/ adrenaline junkie

1st July 2015: Abundant Life for a Sheep

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 (AV)
This well known verse, set in the context of a shepherd and his sheep, is usually interpreted in an emotional sense. Abundant life is 'joie de vivre' or 'life to the full' (NIV) or 'life in its fullness' (NEB).
But can we not go a little deeper by looking at the context? The first half of the verse provides a contrast. The thief comes to steal and to kill and to destroy. The shepherd comes to bring life. The difference is stark. The thief steals for his own purpose, perhaps to fatten and put on his own family table. He kills -- and the word used means to make a sacrifice presumably for ritual purposes. He destroys, and for what other reason than malice?
The shepherd came to the fold to bring life. But he did not want the sheep just to be able to exist. He wanted them to have the fullest possible life of which a sheep is capable. But can we define what this means to a sheep? What is a sheep's abundant life? We care told in the preceding verse. It means to 'go in and out, and find pasture'.
To 'go in' means security. The fold, guarded by a shepherd, offers safety for the sheep when wolves prowl and thieves are more likely to be active. Just so, we Christians are secure in Christ. No man shall ever be able to pluck us out of his hand.
To 'go out' spells liberty. We are free to wander where we like, always provided we keep within range of the Shepherd's voice and follow his lead. And if we happen to stray, he will be watching and will give us a call or come after us.
To 'find pasture' speaks of sustenance, of food and water enough for every day. Even in mountains or desert the Shepherd knows our need and provides for it.
If this is the kind of abundant life the Shepherd offers, there is only one thing to do, and that is to stick close by him.

half way reflections 

what do i even say about the last two months. i guess they have been life-changing in a way. no they didnt make me change my life goals, they strengthened my resolve to keep on fighting even if i may be fighting a losing battle. they changed me. i've never been a sprinter, im a long distance runner (and even that is something learned & trained, not something i was born with..) so doing things VERY FAST AND EFFICIENTLY is not very me. despite my penchant for adrenaline and love for a&e fuelled by too much tv drama watching, i came to accept that sadly i might actually suck at the implementation of aforementioned emergency working life. 

with that acceptance and having to drag myself to work daily knowing that i would probably fall short of whatever expectations (already quite low) of whoever would be on that night, funnily enough, life started to perk up. and then resus shifts started. i both love & am scared of them. when i get home after a resus shift, even if i only saw 2 resus cases (and furthermore the mo usually only takes history and scribes), the adrenaline running thru me causes me to stay awake til 4am. LOVING IT. and yes i know i suck at it, not least from the eye-rolling. BUT i am really grateful for the many nice seniors who nevertheless patiently taught me what to do. it kinda gets easier, after a while. maybe the 'a while' means sixty days, but it's ok! 

and of course the chocolate. this rotation has made me a chocolate addict. you wouldnt believe how much difference a preshift or a postshift chocolate can make to the overall levels of cheeriness. and maybe i just became faster or my patients nicer, but to the smiling & appreciative pts, thank you guys for making my days brighter and happier. thank you to the kid who drew a thank you card for me and the nurses (you know the kid can be discharged from sedation when she is awake enough to draw thank you cards), and who actually hugged me to thank me (so sweet! and i didnt even do anything for her, t and the reg did all the work hahaha).

to summarize, there i go but for the grace of God. for bringing me through these two months. he sends little cute kids to give me raisins or drawings or to play around my chair as i print their meds and say they want to be like doctorjiejie (HAHA if only they knew. then again, there's a high chance they might be better at plug setting than me in 20 yrs time..), encouraging emails, nice seniors. 

so bring on the next two months :) i can do this! 


day off and then one week of holiday! have been really into notion reccently so just set up my notion dashboard since i have a day off to...