Monday, May 4, 2015

the night before

5th July 2015: The Night Before...

Have I not commanded you? Fear not. Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
There are some who appear positively to enjoy a lecture to a big audience, or presenting a case for the seminar or grand round. It is a challenge, and they delight in it. But for most of us these occasions are associated with a fearful apprehension that gives us an uneasy night's sleep beforehand, and a quickening of the pulse and paling of the face at the time. Yet these things have to be faced. The words given to Joshua can be a great support to us: 'Fear not, have I not commanded you?' The Christian goes as God's ambassador about his daily duties, and this includes public appearances. As an ambassador he does his very best, prepares well beforehand, rehearses, thinks about the important points and seeks the help of others. But having done all this, when the occasion comes, he goes as a servant of the living God, even though speaking on secular matters. He relies on the strength and courage that God gives in response to his prayers and know that God will be with him. The words he uses, the standard he sets, the grace and consideration he shows towards the patient whose case he demonstrates, these all come from his maker. And so the burden becomes lighter, the accomplishment greater, and God's name is honoured.
Joshua did all that was humanly possible to prepare for the taking of Jericho, and he was right to do so. But, military genius though he was, he only found victorious power when, on the eve of the battle, he met the Captain of the host of the Lord, drawn sword in hand, and fell down and worshipped him (Jos 5:13-15).
It was for Joshua to do his best in total reliance on the Lord. It was for the Lord to magnify him in the eyes of other people as he saw fit (Jos 4:14).

Teach us good Lord to serve thee as thou deservest,
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labour and not to ask for any reward
save that of knowing that we do thy will.
Ignatius Loyola

somehow the night before turning mo is even scarier than the night before turning ho. haha. i remember vividly one year ago when i walked into the paeds ward my very first day of being a doctor and i heard a baby /little kid crying from somewhere in the ward and i turned around and walked right out of the ward in a panic. 

actually when writing my reflections for the juniors i wanted to tell them "guys there is this website called DOCTORS LIFE SUPPORT. READ IT. certain passages will speak to you at random different times and often will save you." but then i didn't. oh well. there is something comforting in typing into google DOCTORS LIFE SUPPORT, i must say. pwaha. 

i hope i have been a good ho. i dont know if i have been the fastest or the most efficient ho on earth but thus far all my patients survived, more or less, and i know i definitely did the best i could, often going beyond what was required. i actually greatly enjoy doing much more than what is required, it does make me feel v satisfied hahaha. 

sadly something tells me being a good mo requires a lot more than just mary-poppins level organization skillz. at the end of this year, just beginning to read a 400pg guidebook, i realise there is so much MORE than i dont know. a lot of ho stuff is tips and tricks that just help you survive one call. there is so much vast knowledge out there. kinda scary actually. and very hard to call ur mo for help now. HAHA. 

interestingly enough i think this yr of ho ship has changed ME.  its really like that navy dude said - all those early morning circuses make you a stronger person. it definitely made me a lot more reliable and responsible. coz half the time you can't NOT be, there's so much riding on your own responsibility and capability. i'm really thankful for that. and also you get much more aware of maslows hierachy of needs. like SLEEP and WAFFLES and people to share the wafflez with. yup those are important things. 

(story of my life)

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