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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

keep on course

13th May 2015: Guidance (2) -- Keep 'On Course'
I being in the way, the Lord led me. Genesis 24:27 (AV)

God's guidance is a natural consequence of being 'on course'. Anything that disrupts our fellowship with him obscures our vision and blunts our perception. Given a right relationship with God, his guidance may be unobtrusive, almost outside our conscious awareness, many decisions being dictated by common sense, albeit the common sense of a renewed mind. God promises to guide the meek in judgment (Ps 25:9). We are not to be stupid and mulish, to be pushed and pulled, but to be those with understanding minds enlightened and instructed (Ps 32:9), attuned to the mind of Christ. Maybe we can see only one step ahead. Take it and the way will open as do automatic doors on our approach.

Guidance may be by restraint. In Acts 16:6-10 Paul and Silas were forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. How (since it seemed so good a thing to do)? By a spoken word? a vision? or just a disquiet of heart, a lack of assurance, an unease, a 'something' that held them back? Then they saw a door marked 'Push'. They tried it. It did not yield (no harm in testing the doors). God has promised to tell us if we take a step in the wrong direction (Is 30:21). But for every door that closes there is one that opens. The invitation came to Macedonia. They weighted it up. They became satisfied ('assuredly gathering' AV, 'concluding' RSV) that this was God's call. Immediately they pushed forward. The way opened up. The wide door for effective work in Greece lay open, and it was a door that none could shut.

But sometimes God not only restrains us, he 'ejects' us from where we are. Paul longed to preach to the Jews (Rom 9:3). For this he was eminently fitted. But God had a different sphere for him, hence his rejection by the Jews; 'make haste and get quickly out...Depart, for I will send you far away...' (Acts 22:18-21). Well qualified for a particular appointment? Trained and prepared for it? in 'the running' -- even promised it and then by-passed? Don't bang your head against the brick wall of non-acceptance. Sometimes a misfit in one sphere is eminently suited for a successful and fruitful life in another. (But -- be certain that your rejection is not due to unpleasantness or incompetence!)
~
“Dear Lord, I pray for your guidance and grace to be a good doctor in the wards/ emergency dept. There are many things I do not know, and many uncertainties out there. Help me to be humble to ask when in doubt, guide me in doing the right things for my patient, and help me to be your healing hands to those in need of your healing touch and love around me.”

~
“Thank you, Lord, for the trials that come my way. In that way I can grow each day as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord, for the patience those trials bring. In that process of growing, I can learn to care.
I thank you, Lord, with each trial I feel inside, that you’re there to help, lead and guide me away from wrong.
‘Cause you promised, Lord, that with every testing, that your way of escaping is easier to bear.
I thank you, Lord, for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord, that when everything’s put in place, out in front I can see your face, and it’s there you belong.”
~
wk 2 of work, blends into a never-ending stream of patients. the balance between spending too much time on one patient vs all the cases streaming thru the see immediately corridor. it is very hard to see three cases immediately all at once. nearly impossible..was discussing with f that this is like mbbs on crack haha. yknow the case where they made us take hx pe and counsel patient all in like 10mins. EXACTLY like that. and you get interrupted multiple times to see emerg cases in that 10 mins. and you cant say anything too alarming when counselling the pts. and you dont have time/ are unable to surrepitiously flip the guidelines before going to present to the cons. well i guess thats similar to exams coz you cant flip any notes during exams also HAHA. on the bright side, the guidelines stick REALLY well in my head after each chastisement. i guess i do learn best this way (lol?). and on the even brighter side, i can show IMPROVEMENT (aiya give chance la... first 2 wks right?).

on doors: its true that one never really knows which doors are meant to open and close and the only way is to push on the doors and find out. some can't be shut by anyone and some cant be opened by anyone. some doors, i know i am not meant to open. that's why, i didnt choose to even try opening those doors. because i could see where others had gone before me, that those doors don't lead to happiness, those doors don't lead to the right direction. this door seems like the right one. by all accounts. maybe its like alice in wonderland, i just need to eat the magic cake & drink the magic drink and ill be able to get the keys for the doors.

but then again, i think it really isnt just about the doors. its about one levelling up from the current NOOB status, to doing a good job wherever one is. the actual title or status is secondary. id rather be just another faceless mo, doing a gd job, rather than having any title and being noob. of course now i am neither of the above. i am probably a very obvious noob mo currently. lol. i am under absolutely no illusions about my capabilities. but as the past 1/4 of a century has shown, i am also very good at levelling up. (just that all these late night shifts make me very sleepy lehh).

soo in conclusion, i will and i must somehow level up, stat. how this is gonna happen, not sure, but maybe a lot of hard work and many mini-miracles could make it happen. (story of my life). miracles, i cant control. hard work, i can (sleep-wake cycle changes notwithstanding).

aim for today: see 11 cases, burn guidelines on memory (or find way to surrepitiously flip them at some place), phrase qns to seniors leadingly and intelligently (e.g "...., prob need to admit right?" not "blah blah blah.... *trailing off sentences* - when i actually KNEW adm was likely -_-). and see pts faster, fullstop. oh, and get to eat dinner at some point. hopefully at peri-dinner time, not at 2am. actually, aim HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT (haha hopefulness)

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