Monday, May 11, 2015

its way beyond me/ be not dismayed

30th June 2015: Be Not Dismayed

Be not dismayed. Joshua 1:9
The exuberant on-top-of-the-world life is not for all of us. True, we may experience this feeling at special times, immediately after our conversion, or when we pass 'finals'. But the mountain top experience does not last, and we often have our setbacks. Things go wrong despite all our efforts. The word said in kindness is misunderstood. Lack of sleep last night and the night before takes its toll, so that it is all too easy to wonder whether all our efforts are worth it, and whether it is any good to go on striving for excellence. Would it not be better to alter our standards and, indeed our job? Why ever did we do medicine at all? Dismay can seep into the soul and affect our way of living and our reason for it. One of the first things to suffer is our life in Christ, our prayer time, our Bible reading and our everyday witness. That is why Joshua was told that he needed courage and strength to go on studying and obeying God's word (Jos 1:7-8). The murmurings of the discontented people of Israel did not leave Moses and Joshua unscathed. Some of the rebellious talk sank into their souls (Nu 11:10-15). That is why God had to say 'Be not dismayed'. It required an act of obedience by them -- and it does by us too. This is a command for us to obey. Not to be dismayed is one of the hardest things to do. It requires much prayer and trust and can be one of the biggest trials of our faith.
The houseman years can be very difficult. After the friendship of the Christian Union, the joy of graduation, there follows the time of testing. The long hours, the responsibility which at times is awful, the calls which demand a knowledge and skill well beyond any preparation that the medical school gave us, these sap both our physical and spiritual strength. The n'th job applied for and denied, another intravenous drip into the tissues, the third dry lumbar puncture in succession, the families who break up before our very eyes, these all tax our courage, tenacity and Christian faith. And, just when we need it most, time for God is at a premium. The man of the world tackles the possible, the Christian the impossible. To do so the Christian requires not only courage but 'stickability', tenacity, the ability not to be deflected by dismay and the sure knowledge that he is commissioned in his everyday work by the King of Kings, who gives the strength for each new demand and who does not measure a man's life by worldly achievements but by his acts of obedience.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving has only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto man,
For out of his infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

this i know, that whatever his plan for me is, i'm thoroughly enjoying the ride. even tho the responsibility sometimes scares me ++ (esp the newfound responsibility of being an mo... like sometimes when i send a very obvious urti kid home, like fever for ONE DAY with runny nose ++ and whole family having runny noses... and i pray very hard that indeed its just urti and emphasize to the parents to BRING BACK if still having fever in like 4 days time  'aunty normal cough and cold shld recover by one wk ok PLEASE BRING BACK if baby is not well!!'). the feeling that that whether im meant to do this or not, its really such a joy to be allowed to do this posting that is literally one of my childhood dreams (lets take yr 1 of med sch as being inclusive of childhood since i still felt v young and inmature then HAHA). 

even though the ONE MONTH of very late night shifts makes me very very zzz, somehow its the first posting that i actually look forward to going to work everyday. or shld i say, every night. lol. my last posting had a very perpetual chronic school refusal thing going on which was quite the severe, particularly pre-night floats. for this posting, i feel like i cld do anything anyone asked me to do with no complaints whatsoever. never loved anything so much before. 

on another note, it occured to me why there is such a stringent criteria for med sch and why they like to take pple who do many ccas/ outside activities. coz the amt of multi-tasking in emed depts is WHOA. you really need to be like an octopus its no joke. i really respect this dept for being so good-natured despite some nights being v crazy like a zoo, no one ever shouts at anyone. its amazing. my last posting people were forever shouting at each other (some nicer than others, like the enthusiastic lw nurses: HO AH! SET PLUG!)

ok. must memorize guidelines by THIS WEEK. (as we have been instructed by the con.)

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