Sunday, April 12, 2015

pre night float thoughts on ho year

this year began with my abstract being accepted to a conference and ended with me winning best speaker (like for the first time in years. which is also because i havent really debated much for yrs. haha. but nonetheless its still really special to me!). in three weeks assuming i survive my night float, gynonc and finish my logbook, i'll magically wake up one day an mo. 

some people have butterflies in their stomach when thinking about big life events like this. me, i have a stash of butterflies in my ho bag and i know which ward the secret stash of butterflies is

i wont deny that initially when thinking about 6th april i thought that its the third time and everything and hey God always pulls out miracles for me like rabbits out of a magician's hat! and He does and indeed i am grateful for it. but sometimes things dont come exactly at the times we suspect/ hope they might. the first time i was really very very upset. because i really had truly believed with the last vestiges of my childlike innocence, had truly fixed my heart on the notion that yes, it's impossible, but somehow i always got the impossible things. that the fact that it was impossible means i would get it. the second time wasn't too nice either, the way i found out at like 6am in the morning in a darkened room as we all sat in radio meeting wasnt exactly shining with lights at the end of the tunnel. this time wasn't really the third time - yet haha. it was literally an encouragement to keep on going

and this easter was everything i had hoped for. a post call easter sunday, an encouraging sermon like a hundred-plus drink and banana to help one on the neverending half-marathon of life. that despite still having to keep on going at least one is at peace and loves what one is doing currently. 

debate is to me a shining example of God showing his overflowing grace. everytime i meet josh or sean it reminds me very acutely of the times i spent with nic/ diane/ the rest, huddling outside classrooms waiting for what seemed like the verdicts of our lives. i really spent so much of my teenage life predicated on someone else's judgements; literally what others thought of us. and the funny thing is now that we are all grown up then people keep jio-ing us for comedy debates, usually when we are post call. or sometimes pre-call. 

so yes, sometimes we dont get things exactly when we want it. but eventually his grace will come and it will be overflowing. i used to think my debating skills peaked in sec 4/ jc but actually i think with His Grace, the past 2 were actually the best. i dont think i could have ever imagined i was capable of such a feat. not just that i can't make lame puns (that's my daily hobby haha), or that i can't speak to large crowds (public speaking is my sole skill in life. if only i was nearly as good at blood taking.), it's just that the audience of first literally most of my med school cohort and then subsequently as j said "this is like the seat of power" is actually really intimidating (now i think about it.) 

so when all's said and done, i am really grateful for the blessings this year and the opportunity to do so much fun stuff, and i was honoured to have the random encouragement on the middle of a long marathon. heh. can't wait to go to ce (my childhood dream!!) ok maybe my dream when i was like 22+. i still felt like quite young then. hahah. the other day i was taking bld from this aunty and she was like "you are so young!! how old are you? 20? 21?". for the record i always got all her blood first time round ah ;p 

now i need to survive night float. urgh. 

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