funny how what i thought i lost & missed so dearly actually wasnt mine to have. what consumed so much of my time & energy & heart is now something i dont miss at all. it did take some time but i can see clearly on hindsight that after the line was drawn in the sand, in the greater scheme of things it wasn't meant to be and wouldnt have worked out at all.
on the other hand, the bluebird that i was looking for but let go of for another elusive one in the bush, was actually the right one all along. no matter how and what and how the timing just isnt perfect no matter how we try... i really am grateful to God that the bluebird keeps coming back to me. moreso these days. i know i'm very lucky in that aspect, no matter what
i really do believe that as in everything in life, all those small & big prayers that i find answered (most actually many years after i had actually prayed the prayers), that if it is in His Plan then it will come to fruition. what i think is that the timing was just wrong & if that's really true, and if it is His Will then one day the right circumstances will occur. and we'll understand why. i'm going to go out on a limb one last time & trust in that. because each time i meet the bluebird it really feels like this is God's plan for me. who knows though. i dont trust these feelings anymore. haha.