Wednesday, November 19, 2014

just a little bit

gs is so so tiring. but it's also kinda fun. grateful for the compatriots that have accompanied me along this journey the past 6mths + 2 weeks of gs so far hahah. the sense of camaraderie. i am actually of the firm conviction that no matter where or what one studied it is actually very dependent on the person's innate self/ personality/ sense of responsibility that makes one a good dr (apart from the basal requirements of knowledge and competencies of course haha). but for myself, i definitely feel much much more comfortable doing my rotations completely in places i've spent extensive time in as a student (obviously) & i KNOW i can be thoroughly awkward. so i'm really very grateful for all this.

even if most of the time esp these days in gs it tends to be a bit angst, it's not angst angst. there's a satisfaction in this. kinda. when you finally finish settling everything at 2pm and tick everything off your to-do list. when you somehow manage to clerk 3 elective cases all by yourself on a sunday. when you and your fellow ho start clerking 4 elective cases at 830pm post dinner and really manage to gxm them all and settle everything and cab back & collapse & sleep. it's fun. it really is :)

i promise not to be snarky when people call me (even if they call for things like how to read what my fellow ho wrote on his clerking sheet... uhh why not call him instead, how shld i know what he wants to do on call when i'm at home..?). i promise to go earlier to pre-round my pts. i just want to sit down and go thru my pts thoroughly and make sure no stone is left unturned. that nothing impt is being missed.

anyway. its been a nice 2 weeks. really respect my fellow hos a lot and hoping the next 2 weeks will be very chill LOL.

pretty lyrics from urban zakapa:

I let out a big breath
I couldn’t really hear what you just said
All of our moments, all of the scenes have gotten blurry again

I remember when you said
You didn’t hate me enough to break up
But you didn’t care enough to love me
You already brought your cold words one by one
And I have nothing really to say

In your smoothly flowing words, even the erased memories are being written again, as it becomes smaller
Maybe I feel sorry, maybe I want to run away right now
I’m just filled with resentment during the moment of farewell

I’m trying
But the thoughts in my head are scattering in this moment
In case I say something wrong

Because of my wrongdoings that gave you scars
We each have different memories
Maybe I feel sorry, maybe I want to run away right now
I’m just filled with resentment during the moment of farewell

It will gradually get better, the conclusion that I made alone
The day that scattered and disappeared like dust

The day I only let out sighs
I can’t stand it anymore
The season when someone came to me

The cold winter came to the tip of my nose first
Though I prayed that it would never come
My warm hands have now become colorless
I need to go somewhere once again

Hoping that there is a way, my hands stole my tears
The dizzy air makes me suffocate
I quietly close my eyes again and pray for tomorrow to come
The cold air brings winter to me once again

The air we shared together, the memories we shared together
The day that scattered and disappeared like dust

Just a little
My heart feels a bit frustrated
It just feels a bit cloudy
Just a little, just a little
I am resenting the world
If you need to leave, if you’re going
There’s nothing I can do but
Just a little
It just hurts a lot

You used to walk next to me
Back then, we walked without a word
I remember that
You used to smile so brightly that it scared me
I remember that so I’m a bit sad

I know that there’s nothing that can be done
That it’s even harder for you
I know everything
I know that it’s not just us two underneath this sky that dazzles so much that it angers me
That’s what makes me a bit sad
Just a little, just a little

It feels like tomorrow will not come
If you need to leave, if you’re going
I don’t think I can take it
But I will comfort myself and try
I will do that

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