Saturday, November 22, 2014

erase/ flying, deep in the night

have a lot to say about being a ho in surgery. but i dont know if i should. suffice it to say that it is v exciting and fun and i am learning a lot. i couldnt ever have imagined surviving this but i've survived 2 weeks so far and 2.5 mths more to go. it's a lot of learning on the ground actually as things we only saw in slideshows suddenly pop up on our laptops when we arrive at work in the morning or arrive in the form of phone calls from radiologists about patients we sometimes havent ever seen in our lives, or have been  saying hi to everyday. the first time i offed a drain or cvp i was really terrified. but now i off drains and cvps daily. it's nice getting to tell patients when they ask how long ive been working (half a year?) hahaha the longer the answer the usually the happier they are. luckily no patients asked me on my first day of work if it was my first day. i think its cos most of my patients on the first day were less than 1 yr so mostly preverbal beyond "mama papa" LOL

my fellow hos are really so awesome. and k in particular is AMAZING. i cannot describe his efficiency and general competency as a doctor, it's jawdropping. i'm literally levelling up just being on the same team haha. and m is the sweetest and nicest person ever. thank God for good teammates. me? i just enjoy the times when i can sit down and explain things to patients cos everyday we run in and out of rooms. i really enjoy the part of medicine that involves being (sincerely) nice to people. is that even officially part of medicine? haha. i really dislike the part when i find myself snapping at people, or engaged in logical loophole discussing over the phone. i really like the parts when i orchestrate complicated things involving many specialties and it all gets sorted out. or when good teamwork ensures we call people quickly and get CT scans in a matter of a few hours. like when i call the radiologist as k orders the CTAP. or dinner and then clerk 4 elective patients and gxm them. efficiency max!

its sometimes very scary, the amount of power and responsibility that can potentially fall into one's hands. its definitely not power or resp that i actually want. but circumstances sometimes just do. there's nothing for it but to simply focus all your energies into it and do whatever you can. so that in the end you can feel like you tried everything. the other day we went for like a 5 mins coffee and got well 'caught' by my boss. whom i happen to respect a GREAT deal. i felt so crushed that i had let him down by sort of slacking off (welll we all needed to be caffineated stat. its just that the timing and circumstances were a bit off. lol) that i literally begged the radiologists and got the relevant scans arranged. and also apologised profusely to the gastro dr when things got delayed later despite my best efforts. somehow it all got done. NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE. thank goodness we drank coffee that day, somehow. haha. anyway the moral of the story (to me at least) is that one shld go to the greatests lengths possible to do what one can. anyway its not like we're doing the actual surgery, just going around begging for scans and facilitating things. not really rocket science. just really exhausting.

okay enough of rambling. off to gym :) i love weeekends

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