of paeds is over (except 1 day on monday where i have to somehow round AND also finish all the admin stuff PLUS get admin stuff for tuesday sorted out haha)
it's been AWESOME. i still like it, except now im no longer the idealistic wide-eyed medical student who liked paeds coz playing with cute children is fun. i cant remember when's the last time i took my da kit and da-ed anyone, probably in m5. babies ARE really cute though, no question about that. i like paeds now DESPITE knowing we have to do crazy-fast rounding and then a million changes, DESPITE knowing there can be difficult parents, despite knowing that i don't know enough.
part of this is because of my lovely ward in the 3rd mth. i initially really wanted to go to HD for the exposure but ended up in 31 which was brilliant coz of all the procedures and all the bloods we need to do for the few days old babies. it got to the point where if a kid is 1yo, the kid seems really big to me coz i've been trying to set plugs for babies a few days old to max 6months old everyday. haha. not just that, for some reason which i am unable to fathom completely, the mos really trusted me, i guess for the simple reason that me and joel are the 2 older hos while the other 2 are in their first month of doctoring EVER. this trust soon turned into positive feedback & furthermore i happen to really respect and admire my mos so i'm really eager to help them out.
to be perfectly honest in the first month i did feel woefully inadequate. i remember one night in june doing hids late at night with kw, i was telling him that actually im not exactly a very responsible person & i dont think that i should be a doctor haha. of course he was like "no la no la you're okay, DONT WORRY" (usual phrase used whenever i express sentiments like HOW ARE WE GOING TO FINISH ALL THESE HIDS/ PM ROUNDING/ MILLIONS OF CHANGES/ when we are dying and there seems to be no end in sight).
i guess practice does make perfect! i think i'm a (relatively) safe and functional paeds HO at any rate, by this time. i'm so glad for my mos who trusted me and enmated positive vibes which enabled me to have trust in myself. haha yes self-confidence and innate self-belief is good too but its always nice to know people believe in you too instead of constantly having to self pep-talk yourself LOL.
in conclusion, now that this season of "so you think you wanna do paeds" has come to an end, i conclude that i DO want to do it. haha.
thank you God for a lovely 3 months spent doing my dream posting :) please may i survive my upcoming conference and also survive IM!!
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