Saturday, July 26, 2014

9th call

had my 9th call the other day after a really long call-free period. search me why the roster was planned that way... LOL. anyway it was a good call. quite funny since N and i are actually batchmates haha. but she's a good mo :) fast and efficient and nice. i aspire to be a good mo like that one day. the highlight was doing a beautiful LP at 10am post call. the trick is to put your finger on the L4 vertebrae and insert the needle just above that. then you'll defo be in the L3-L4 space.

my flu randomly came back. maybe its a new infection or maybe its the same one. who knows. either way its annoying and peri-call. grrr. nevertheless, dragged myself to church. i didnt go last week and last week was CRAZY. esp friday. i self volunteered to be the ho deployed out of my ward on fri and got sucked into a whirlpool of craziness that only ended at 830pm.

incidentally i cant rmb when i prayed silently for a good call the other day standing infront of the lifts after changing into my scrubs, and it really was a good call! maybe pre the last call. plausibly. prayer does work huh.

lots of random scattered thoughts. anyway 1 week more in paeds and 2 more calls to go! i wish i could do 4mths of paeds instead of 3 mths :(:( 1 more mth of hd would be just perfect. but the past mth of 31 has been really good. LPs!!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

though it hurts/ its you

nice song :)

its another weekend spent doing the roster. had a really eventful half call and 3 calls awaiting me next week. and a nice friendly bout of flu. nice to meet you too. during half call yest i was still doing random things around the ward at 930pm being slowed down considerably by the nurses who would concernedly ask me as i rounded every corner WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! are you on call?? there were some funny events but nah dont think i shld mention here.

small rainbows of happiness coloring the usually grey and boring days of slavery; little zebras crossing the roads. 

on a random note i really enjoy gossiping with the nurses in the mo room HAHA.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

gone seoul searching

i must say that reading everyone's dedications really is heartwarming. God has worked in so many people's lives in so many ways & leading us all to the same endpoint

somehow it feels both overwhelming & yet underwhelming at the same time. both unbelievable and yet extremely tangible in the early am pre-rounds. work does have a way of doing that to one

but nevertheless, i think that for me, this sums it up well
 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
thank you God. i am lacking in so many ways but somehow You always save. please continue saving me in big & small ways. from life choices to surviving morning rounds to every call. and please may there always be some rainbows at the end of waterfalls. please may i always take the right bus; and if i get on the wrong ones, may they turn out to be right after all.

ps: one last thing. i know You have granted lots of my smaller random prayers over the yrs. but thank you for granting my biggest prayer of all. even though the past few yrs i might have forgotten the intensity with which i prayed for this, You remembered. i think you must have been there on that snowy day. & that's why even when life tells me otherwise, i think that those fireworks must have come from you. it seems like so far away now but i think You were happy for me then in those life experiences. it was kinda fun wasn't it? and leaving behind those childish tendancies for once & truly growing up, you were proud of me too.

i think finally apart from those i have already thanked publicly and effusively, i want to thank the edin people one last time. we did start on this journey together and now finally we have all crossed the finishing line. i know friends come & go but for me, the most important thing is not yrs down the road who's left, its more about in the middle of the flurried lives, who was once there. i think you guys were probably the ones who taught me most about myself, about what it means to be a human being & how to treat people with respect & kindness. in any marathon, sometimes people get lost in the woods and everyone runs their own races. but thanks for all the 100pluses, the bananas, and the encouragement. i remember once i ran the meadows marathon & i estimated id run more slowly than i really ran. but you guys still turned up (albeit after id crossed the finishing line haha). its something like that. for helping me to survive the first two yrs. sometimes it was barrels of fun and parties and sometimes it was like running up arthurs seat in the middle of winter. (often i DID run up arthur's seat in winter. hahaha. fun times) i know we all spent hrs and hrs of our lives together (only later rivalled by the hrs spent clerking with my cg in hospitals and persuading uncles & aunties to let us do one more cardio examination? hahahaa). i guess i should say, thanks for all the fish. :)

Saturday, July 12, 2014

manual to life

 brunch places
- revolution coffee! for gula melaka pancakes/ big breakfast/ banana bread
- the fabulous baker boy for their red velvet cake
- lola's cafe - avocado eggs benedict
- one man coffee for their brioche french toast
- drips bakery cafe - TARTS
- assembly coffee - for their salted buttermilk caramel waffles
- big mama korean restaurant - DAKGALBI

- korea for spring/ autumn/ winter
- russia

to do list
remainder of saturday: ebm quizzes + all the random evaluations online + email back time to meet supervisor
sunday: gym + church + watch online endo lecture + cv and stuffs
monday: endo clinic + pm ward + hidsss + go and finish up all the random rejected hids
tues: email the relevant supervisors for meetups
wed: touch up my project & email the slides
sat/sun: half call and CALL ROSTER

i -think- that's all i've got to do. there's very possibly much more but i just can't remember what else lol.

next next week i have a spate of 3 calls with 2 days in between. and i gave myself these calls. so brilliant. and intermittently there are residency open houses. i clearly was thinking straight when a) i volunteered for this and b) i planned my own calls. haha no to be fair i didnt know the open house dates like 1 mth ago.

got to rev self up!! work starts on mon again!! whoo! i need another vacation sigh

Friday, July 11, 2014

just the way you are

why are there so many things to do??

summary of my leave (which is ending soon, sigh)
- sleeping late everyday (= awesomeness)
- managed to go gym!! not super a lot but 100% more than usual. actually infinity more than usual since 1 divided by 0 is... infinity
- managed to settle lots of project related stuffs
- managed to watch lots & lots of dramas. hurray! ill likely not have a chance to do this again... til the next leave. but then i intend to go for one of my blitzing through foreign countries trips then haha. 

to do list
1. graduate
2. cv and ebm quizzes
3. meet supervisor
4. meet wardsupervisor
5. plan aug roster
6. try to gym at least once more before this month ends. hahaha
7. read up something about IM since i currently only know how to do puff and feeds review and calculate paeds dosings. and not particularly a lot of paeds dosings anyway since i usually just check the awesome frank sham drug book. 
8. phone switcheroo
9. get all my procedure stuffs signed!! and hand them up

i can do this!! and i think i shall totally go overseas next hols. if i dont have a lot of random admin stuff to settle. i probably will though. ughhh

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

the daylight project

i haven't done any form of physical activity for 2 months. (save that of running around like a headless chicken 24/7). omg. and surprise surprise, life without endorphins is poorer for it. its good to know i wasn't really just doing for vanity's sake but that i really did love it. its pretty hard not to love the rush but yknow just to check 

anyhow i finally went today! i conquered my abdominal pain not otherwise specified and life feels awesome now :)

fuelled by this sadness at lack of endorphins for TWO MONTHS, i was planning a life & future whereby i will have lots of time to run/ gym/ triathalon when three awesome things happened in quick successsion

1. i found my elusive venn diagram
2. i realised the hospital library has spss
3. i passed the online test we all have to take

oh and also after passing the test, the kind librarian helped me find an elusive article and pdf-ed it to me. really so kind of her!!

life is sometimes like playing computer games. every now and then you win some small minor quests and you get addicted back to the game again

i am not idealistic, not at all anymore. i probably was, even up to a few mths ago. i think nowadays, i'm just practical. which isn't bad per se. so i have my life plan, & we'll see how it goes. i think experience is a really good thing, if im not ready, i dont want to squeeze through and do a bad job, steep learning curves are not really my thing; i mean it's going to be steep any way but i think i need to feel that i am able to do it too haha. so in a way, i'm actually really grateful for how everything turned out

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

leave D2

leave has been a lot about uncoiling this tightly wound spring. the springing into action once blood has been taken to shake the tube so the edta doesnt clot, to tube it down to the lab within five seconds. to jump to do whatever your seniors ask you to do/ the hundred thousand requests from the nurses. a lot of it is how fast you can reorder the q4hrly paracet that expired

dont even get me started on how to manage high viral fevers coz i think if anyone has the answer to that at 3am in the morning, they can win a nobel prize.

i wake up mentally ticking off my to-do lists... then i realize that there ARE no to do lists.

well except my project which i have a to do list for which a) i can't read my own handwriting and b) i cant remember what changes i was supposed to make. but its ok, im used to that. i think

in the middle of all this madness, there definitely are fun times, camaraderie and such. i used to kind of envy the hos camaraderie back as a med student when we were always trying to be part of the team... honestly i think that as a med student it's actually quite difficult to really be part of the team (as much as i DID have postings where i felt quite integrated) coz they're always going off for tutorials at crucial times. but for hos, the camaraderie is practically a necessity to survive the day. helping each other out is not really coz we're all saintly people coz honestly all of us would like nothing better than to just go home and zzz half the time, or at least sit down for five minutes. but it's more of to just whittle away to get the neverending whirlwind of things done so that everyone can start on the discharge summaries. and to laugh and chat during our hids parties, is a way to shake off the feelings of why am i staying back so late everyday to do this; some human form of compensation. it's no doubt nice, but not so sure its sth to be envied. haha. nevertheless, it's something im grateful for; since the work has to be done anyway

just not by me, for this blessed week of sanity haha.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

8th call

this was another traumatizing call. although i think the last hothree call was more traumatizing. 

my mo was very nice, if a bit new, but i think she was actually awesome considering it was her first mo call! 

oh well. at least i survived. more like a limping tiredly out of hosp kind of survival not a triumphant post call hurrah. but it's ok

much love to the 66 nurses, i really think i couldnt have done it without them. i kinda miss them actually, that was such a nice mth in 66. 

i'm so inexplicably tired now. and stupid logbook

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

7th call

so so tired and med dinner tmr, then call again the next day. this is sheer madness

oh well. it was quite a good call. busy but we survived well :) there was only 1-2 small baby's bloods i couldnt get, managed to get everyone else's bloods. and an RN helped me with some pt/ptt that clotted. GRATITUDE. around 530am i set a plug for a kid with ba who needed abx but plug site swollen. (you really really hate to hear these words over the phone at 5am) after that i felt that i did something good with my life for once. i set it really fast too, so we could move on to the septic workup. which i also did. :) 

my mo was super nice too. well maybe coz he's a new mo. i think he did a great job though!! and for some happy reason we saw most of the cases tgt (maybe coz most of the new cases came way after the reg round sigh). and its just super fast to clerk tgt and to ask the peripheral qns while the mo examines the child. the only thing is at 720am we were clerking a new case and that felt very -_- luckily we had gd manpower this morning so i didnt have to round all the usual 6 patients all by myself. i would not have been able to do that by any stretch of the imagination, not after finishing call stuff (many many istats and things) at around 845am? 

anyway, thankful for yesterday's call (though super tiring) and the successful LP. 

was reading wj's blog and she mentioned that sometimes God makes life work in strange ways and one day it all clicks so perfectly as to WHY; we realise that we are fitted perfectly/ suited perfectly to what we were called to do. for me well i havent had that euruka moment yet (or rather ive had it many times and after awhile i just attribute it to human emotion and us wanting what we want.) for me its more like a progressive revealing of puzzle pieces.

like going overseas; was something i needed at that point in time to reach a certain level of maturity and independance. yet having the systems based practice in SIP plus the camaraderie from my batchmates, is really something so nice and that i appreciate. even tho i didnt hang out with a lot of them in med sch, when we work together or just hang around during teachings/ ho things, everyone's always really awesome and nice. i think that that's definitely a plus i hadn't even counted on or expected, nor asked from God. He just gave all these to me in a nice package. 

even now in this ward, though its my 3rd month in a big ward through no special machination save that of chance, im really happy to get as much experience and exposure as possible. the potential LPs in this ward are many! if i ever become a resident i know i will need to be good at this. and theres only 1 mth left of this posting to get as much precious experience as i can. 

med dinner then 1 more call (with sat rounds sobs) and then LEAVE. and logbook. blah. 


day off and then one week of holiday! have been really into notion reccently so just set up my notion dashboard since i have a day off to...