Saturday, June 21, 2014

everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard,
Said, no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars, yeah we'll be counting stars
I see this life like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
And my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and you shall find
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong 

Doing the right thing
I could lie, coudn't I, could lie

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is our four letter word

totally shredded even though i didnt have a single call this week. staying back til 9pm everyday to do discharges is really so exhausting. it just all adds up.

yesterday i was deployed out (for the 2nd time this week!!). i resolved to buy sy (next mth's deployer) some chocolates to bribe him after it was all over. SO PAINFUL. it was so messy and so chaotic and ugh not to give more details but in the bus home passing by newton circus i was just thinking to myself that circuses make people stronger right?? then i got the email saying im deployed to that ward for the whole of next month...

oh well. at least i'll do lots of procedures. that's one of the many reasons i signed up for this hospital anyway coz i wanted to learn to do procedures in a volume-heavy place. and indeed i am proud to say my blood-taking is improving!! i havent done all that many blds this past week coz i havent had calls and my ward is ok in that there arent that many blds everyday but amongst the 2-3 ive done its a 100% success rate :)

now having a nice saturday off. so many things i want to do with this 24 hours of blissful freedom before i spend a sunday 7am-7pm working zomg. i wonder what time i shld go to round my 16 new patients on sunday? maybe i shld reach at 6am? sigh.

on the bright side, i am fairly positive that my mos and super nice reg in my current home ward are literally godsent & evidence that one can be pro, nice and responsible. you dont really have to be snarky or shove ur way around to be efficient and reliable. v is as usual awesomeness & i overheard w telling her that she's going on leave soon for a medical missions trip. maybe that's what we're meant to be in this life. beacons of light in a sea of shining darkness. for people to wonder what makes this mo so nice and reasonable in the face of 101 reasons to not be, and to wonder what makes the difference; the difference is God.

no matter what happens with my life (i'm not too fussed honestly), i hope that one day if i were to be senior mos like them, i will be like that too. & i hope that they will pass their exams & become super nice regs too :)

ok off to enjoy my saturday
- eggs for brunch
- call roster
- GYM!!! (first time this monthhh)
- shopping if there is time
- church
- sleeeep

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