there, said it.
this will go down in the annals of brilliance.
starting out on a journey of epic proportions, massively unprepared. it's kinda fun but yet i know that its somehow even beyond our expectations. its funny how we can't prepare for this like we prepare for exams (also my brain is still mush so i dont really feel like mugging up, despite trying too). the best i can do is clutch my cheatsheats and er... call senior for everything!!
in a way, the shifts in the... fabric of time & space (gd excuse for everything) are good shifts. cake is lovely but calorific, so having your cake but not having to eat it, could be good too...
in a way, this feels like a happier, more normal way of existence, more compatible with crazy determination, with the i-havent-anything-to-lose-now-so-heck-it-all way of running a marathon. that's always the best, that's always the kinda race i run. not the kind where everything hinges on a fulcrum with a small margin of error... the kind where the chances of success are one in a million so you throw everything in and go for it cos anyway - yeah - not like you have anything to lose if you dont try.
there must be a message in all of this & honestly i think i'm seeing a sliver of that already. and failing that, the strength i got to persevere through the hard slog... that is gold in itself. i mean of course i wished i didnt have to look for the silver lining in every single facet of my life... i'm already finding so many silver linings i can make a few necklaces out of it all... and sometimes the silver dissappears like leprechaun gold.
somehow this is all related in one big mashup... it always is. for now, i'm still stubbornly grateful for the tangibles (laptop, phone, hehehe), for the past four years - ups & downs aside, i think that having a huge batch of people that i'll know someone wherever im posted to does make it much nicer, and it's a plus that i didnt go into med sch expecting, so that's really nice. (altho i started out med sch wondering if i would actually literally make it out alive, so clearly not very high expectations there. haha). and for all the inumerable intangibles.
i still believe in rainbows & happy endings. despite everything.