Wednesday, April 23, 2014

can't hide it

i've had a long and glorious post mbbs holiday, complete with exotic travels, lots of slacking, yummy good and good company, the requisite book-buying, gymming, and even epiphanies about Life.

think its time i start actually opening my baby bear/ nelsons/ rudolph/ you name it. this time, so i can treat actual patients, not just to impress some examiners for eight minutes. i'm kinda scared, but also excited

Life just IS. it's this great big behemoth that is alternately happy & sad (hopefully not swinging too much between the two extremes...). the only thing that can approximate life is poetry. poetry with its shades of grey, with it's rainbow colors and imagery. poetry that lets you believe two things at one time and accept differing things in the same sentence, in the same breath even. there are so many paths in this enchanted forest. there are so many potential happinesses and sadnesses... sometimes you have absolutely no control and sometimes your own destiny lies in your hands.

dont really know how much i believe in predestination & fate, they always used to try and force us to write in philo essays what we thought of those two. can these ideas be distilled into dispassionate essays like that? quoting whichever philosopher is the flavor of the day? i used to read philo books voraciously, but they never answered any of my questions about the meaning of life

ultimately whatever we can and can't change, life depends on you grabbing on to whatever straws you can to enact whatever change you can. in every situation, there is always a list of things you can do to make it better. my general concept of predestination if pushed is that God alone knows the plan (ie, not me) and that whatever i do, he will somehow help such that it all comes to good. so there may be detours (yeah tell me about detours...) but it's going to end up just fine at the end. more than fine really. and i will NOT be like the grumbling israelites!! actually, i always am. uh. human nature!! but i will try not to anymore. really.

& whatever happens to my life, i know that at least medicine... i was meant to do this. i used to wonder what is God's will & how do we know it and how do i know that i am meant to do medicine. well i finally got the answer, after six years. now just to wait to find out part 2 of God's will :)

here we go

things to do
1. save impt emails from nusemail before we cant use it anymore
2. gym before i never have time to gym anymore
3. open baby bear
4. stock up on stationary
5. buy a really pretty christmas-themed tumbler from starbucks to keep my call coffee/ hydration in [do they even stock this off-season? hahaha]
6. start writing research paper
7. get holiday photos printed!!
8. register myself atsmc
9. practice driving
10. sign up for half marathons!! i must run some this year!!
11. meet up with nat/ sharon once her exams end!

i think there's more, but i cant really rmb... oh yeah get all my external battery packs ready for call. hahaha. omg. i seriously hope i survive this. no actually i hope the PATIENTS survive this.

let's go :)

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