i have a hundred things to do today
something i realised is that... no matter how we try, we will never be worthy. it is only by God's grace that we will be worthy. so the same goes for this. i was wrong in thinking that i need to prove myself; i dont need to prove myself to anyone. there is nothing wrong in praying for God to pull me over the last hurdle that i can't jump by myself, nothing wrong in hoping that he will grant me yet another miracle & drag me across the doorstep at the last minute. well except maybe that His usual style is to pick me up & land me nicely on the other side, smelling like roses. heh. we pray in desperation, just to clear the yardstick by 1mm, but in his mercy & grace what actually happens is he carries you over the finish line, and you realise you've cleared it by a mile.
there are so many times in life that human determination is worth nothing at all. and the only way out, is God's way.