in that moment i understood
problem is that i open up to people way too easily & sometimes they too. this probably means nothing to anyone by me but. i've walked these cobblestoned paths before, i remember those nights. for some reason they seem orange-colored; there is always dessert, sometimes it's blisteringly cold & sometimes its sun-soaked. been there, done that.
i'm re-writing over the poems of my life. i think i like this version better. it's not that i don't care or never did or never will, as much as i'd like it to be. it's acknowledging that its in those grey areas, those blurs of streetlight-lined nights that beauty in life is found.
oh, for the record, this doesnt include toxic substances that haunt you forever & have absolutely everything wrong with them & make you sound totally obsessive & have so many things wrong with them i have no idea where to start. totally the opposite. i thought about that and thought about this & i think my soul definitely knows which is better
don't go bananas
no need to
if you don't
get it right
first time round
sometimes they land you
in sticky situations
might get jammed.
as far as possible
don't flip out-
to get them
sunny side up
just for one day, i rewrote over my hard disk.
but i also concluded that im totally over all this. teenage dreams, yknow. i kinda spent just one too many an hour believing that it would bring eternal happiness. but over the yrs i realised that happiness was never found in such a way when one purposely goes and seeks it out. the funniest thing is that i realised that happiness was paradoxically found when i actually did something selfless or for something other than myself. i didnt have to go hunting for it, it usually found me.
the only thing i need to go hunting for is jabberwockies, my own wars to fight, my own battles. im clearly more of a feminist than i thought ;p
& that's my conclusion. thank you, it was a brilliant last symbol to close a chapter.