Sunday, January 5, 2014

epiphany

the epiphany is the day that people of all nations came to know of the existence of Jesus (literally, through the Magi). (it's apparently also the same day as the miracle of cana!)

every year, on the epiphany, i have, well, an epiphany haha. and this year was no different! last year's was to go ahead with the peds neuro elective, BEST CHOICE I HAVE EVER MADE. plus my tutor is most encouraging to make me make posters and publish. really amazing experience. 

this year, it's a different question, but i think i have my answer :):) & it isn't just a one step command, there's part a and part b. so i know what i have to do & i will do it. 

also i think the pope is really cool. seriously. he has an official alms giver who goes around rome giving the homeless & hungry food and more. and on his birthday, the alms giver dude actually brought 3 homeless guys to have lunch with the pope. that's really sweet of him.

okay correction. i know what i have to do, i don't really know HOW i'm gonna do it and when, but i will definitely, definitely do it. i promise. one small step at a time. 


i am so, so far from perfect
i wouldnt even know where to start listing my flaws, let alone begin fixing them
but i know i must try
and this human imperfection... is just what it is, human
God made us all perfect; fearfully & wonderfully made
He didn't make me lazy or selfish or brusque under pressure
those are just human traits that we slowly sink into; or bad habits so ingrained that we immediately respond that way to any trial or just... normally, out of habit. 
it's not just that, but the inertia. 
why havent i done anything, even though i have wanted to help others, even since ages ago? waiting to get into med school, surviving all kinds of storms, growing up, waiting to finish med school... scared of metaphorical and literal landmines... no time... objections... there's always some excuse or other. but then honoring ones parents is also important... so HOW. i put it at the back of my mind & get caught up with all these silly other things... you must admit that it's really easy to forget. 
well i think that right now, finals probably are the most important thing to focus on, im sure God would totally agree with that. i still havent booked my grad trip but i dont think i'm going to spend it walking across spain. that's something for another time, some day. 
i'm probably going to spend one week de-stressing, and if all goes well with planning, something else more meaningful in the one extra week of hols we have. i hope something will pop up, but if not i do have something in mind alr that is doable. really praying very hard that i will not encounter resistance in wanting to do this. 
because it's a promise. 

this morning, i woke up as usual not knowing what to do with my life. on the eve of the epiphany, as night fell, i was able to see the guiding star again



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