Tuesday, November 26, 2013

it's okay

the days pass by in a blur of haziness. i dont quite think i'm doing my best, whatever it is
maybe this is post-euphoria syndrome kinda like post holiday syndrome

many things to think about, much of which i dont fully understand. suffice it to say that i really am not performing at 100% as a human being. i should be endlessly enthusiastic, compassionate and a paragon of peace. instead i am just really sleepy & inefficient. lots of things to do, but caught up in this ennui all of a sudden after three weeks of disneyland, is really blearifying

so i will talk about love today. watching reply 1994 really struck me like a baseball bat. friends & loves & being blinded by love &confessions. i guess i dont really wish to fall in crazy love, the kind where you shout your love from the rooftops & everyone thinks you're cuckoo. i guess i dont wish to have someone else control my emotions just by what they say or do, or the crazy mixed signals worse than morse code being flashed from a lighthouse by a manic lighthouse keeper. these things are strangely beautiful, in their own twisted way no doubt, but they are also things i dont particularly hanker to experience in the future. nevertheless, they are so beautiful. of confusion, circles of confusion. of people thinking they're helping me but yet not. but yet, i still feel grateful that they cared enough to try. at least i meant that much to someone in that time, enough to try. i guess whatever it is, even though every tide must subside, at the very least, to those who cared enough to spend those nights listening to me bare my soul, thank you. that is all. and years later, we're all sane again & happy & whole, and our past selves may continue along merrily, i hope

call me crazy, but i do believe there is beauty in these things

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